Question:: Hello I was just wondering maybe you could help. I am embarrassed to be talking about this so do forgive me. I just wanted to know is there anyway of finding courage so I could give my boyfriend pleasure as I’m just a coward and he ends up doing everything. I don’t have one bit of a clue what to do I am scared to try if I just mess everything up! Is there any thing I could do to build up confidence so I can take over instead of him, it’s really embarrassing and makes me feel ashamed so please can you help I would be most grateful. thank you.
Answer:: Hey there,
Thanks so much for being in touch!
Gaining more confidence in pleasuring your partner will be an amazing experience for you- the opportunity to express love through touch is incredible, and so much of what we do is to allow people to have that experience.
Try to let go of your shame around this – no one was given a manual on how to be a good lover! You are not alone in your struggle to gain more confidence and know how to give more pleasure. The fact that you are ready to learn means you are about to launch into a very pleasurable exploration! And it is very hard to “mess everything up” – just your willingness to try to give him pleasure will be really hot for most people!
Also be sure to ask him how he likes to be touched, what he wants from your sex life. And be willing to tell him the same. The ability to talk about sex openly is a huge skill for couples to develop. Start simple – say something like “for the next ten minutes I want to give you as much pleasure as possible – what do you want me to do to you?” and know you can always negotiate “well i don’t want to do that right now, but what about this?”
Please consider start by learning massage with our video guides – it is a really non-intimidating way to get started and can be an amazing part of intimacy. Then maybe you want to learn how to pleasure him with just your hands? And then of course, let him learn how to pleasure you more fully!
Be in touch if any questions come up along your journey.
All our best,
Chris and Charlotte