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This episode covers one of the most important frameworks for understanding the human sexual experience: the dual control model of arousal.

Get ready to rethink everything you know about getting turned on – and what is really holding you back from enjoying more sex.

Developed in the 1990’s at the Kinsey Institute by Erick Janssen and John Bancroft and explored in Emily Nagoski’s book, Come As You Are, the Dual Control Model of Arousal is a framework to understand the very complicated nature of human arousal and sexual excitation.

For anyone new to this theory, also check out our interviews with Emily Nagoski about the dual control model of arousal (and SO much more!) in podcast episodes 79 and 80.

When you embrace the dual control model of arousal, it puts you in the driver’s seat. You can learn to manage your turn ons and turn offs to create a more arousing erotic experience every time. As Nagoski says, you can learn to “turn on your turn ons and turn off your turn offs!”

Your turn ons are the gas pedal for your arousal. Your turn offs are the inhibitions that slam the brakes on your arousal. Most people focus on adding more gas – but this won’t work if your foot is slammed on the brake!

Both the Sexual Excitation System (the gas) and the Sexual Inhibition System (the brakes) respond to all sensual stimuli, your thoughts, fantasies and emotions. That means essentially EVERYTHING going on in your life will influence how easy or difficult it is to get turned on. Common inhibitions include stress, resent, guilt, shame and everyday distractions like laundry in the corner. Sensitive brake, no matter how strong the accelerator, is strongest predictor of sexual problems of all kinds. Learn what your specific inhibitions are and you can more easily manage them, paving the way for more arousal and a better sexual connection. You can also learn how to avoid “arousal contingency,” a common condition where everything must be “just perfect” before you allow yourself to get aroused. Arousal contingency is a big problem for a lot of people, but it can be overcome with the right mindset.

In this podcast, we share with you the dual control model of arousal and guide you in learning how to manage your sexual experience. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment to arise, you can actively design your life to be more conducive to getting aroused. You can minimize distractions, eliminate active turn offs and add in more of what works for you!

The Survivor’s Toolkit is a collection of resources created by and designed for survivors of sexual trauma. 

The Survivor’s Toolkit offers you a wide range of tools to work with your trauma and transform your sexual experience over time. You will find an expansive range of resources, interactive exercises and key concepts from the fields of sex education, psychology, mindfulness and somatics. 

Enroll Here. 

This is an invitation into self-compassion, hope and erotic possibility. This is an interactive map of many possible paths to more sexual freedom, choice and agency.

This is a love letter, dedicated to all those who have dared to explore what is possible in the aftermath of sexual violence.

If you have been wondering what is next after #MeToo, you will find actionable steps to begin reclaiming your sexual power and pleasure.

If you are tired of feeling constrained and limited by the aftermath of your trauma, join us to begin exploring your own erotic potential, on your own terms.

This is NOT a linear, one-size-fits-all course on recovering from sexual trauma, nor is it group therapy. You will not be asked to share your story or reveal any personal information. 

The Survivor’s Toolkit is an online resource with the tools, concepts and practices you can mix-and-match to work with your trauma and create a more pleasurable relationship to your sexuality.

PLEASE NOTE: This is a LIVING DOCUMENT and will grow over time as we co-create this resource in collaboration with professionals and community members.

More resources will be added over time, and your own contributions are most welcome. Everyone in the community will automatically receive all future additions to the course, no upgrade required.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

 

Karen Lee Poter and Cameron Poter are the mother/son team behind the irreverent podcast Sex Talk With My Mom. When we were in Los Angeles recently, we got together and recorded episodes for BOTH of our shows! In this episode, we talk about their unlikely journey to recording a mother-son sex podcast and what they are both learning along the way. Cameron shares his adventures in the world of sex education and 30 day masturbation challenges. Karen Lee Poter offers her insights on enjoying sexuality on your own terms and what it means to her to be a sex positive mom.

Check out their show at SexTalkWithMyMom.com