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A crucial step in understanding your erotic imagination is making a clear distinction between FANTASY and DESIRE.  Many people try to start talking about sex by saying something like “Tell me about your fantasies. . .”  While this is a great question to ask, you can run into trouble if you mix up Fantasy with Desire. 

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In this encore episode, originally published in 2013, we explore:

• the crucial difference of Fantasy Vs. Desire
• how to release shame and judgement about “troublesome turn-ons”
• how to safely share fantasies with a partner
• why it is important to get curious about fantasies

Explore Your Fantasies, Name Your Desires

Here are some of our interactive resources to help you explore your fantasies and name your specific desires so you can get more of what you want! Ready for more? Join The Pleasure Pod & Unlock Members Only Resources

• Questions & Conversation Starters About Fantasy Vs. Desire
• Name Your Desires: Fill In The Blanks Worksheet

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Since 2006, we’ve been The Pleasure Mechanics, dedicated full time to exploring the power of pleasure, intimacy, joy and connection. It’s been our mission to remember the role of pleasure in our human experience and the creative, generative, healing force of eroticism.

Here’s just some of what we believe about pleasure. Ready to explore with us? Start here.

Thanks to our episode sponsors for being part of our global team of Pleasure Partners:

• DipseaStories : Explore an audio library of immersive erotic soundscapes, explicit stories and more. Use code PLEASURE for 30 day free trial

Feeling guilty about making time for pleasure?

Pleasure is often thought about as being selfish, greedy, or hedonistic. We believe in making Pleasure a Priority.

Pleasure does not just happen to us – we must actively choose to cultivate pleasure in our individual lives and in our relationships.

Pleasure is healthy, makes us feel happier, more alive, and gives us energy to fuel our days.

We believe that being fulfilled with pleasure makes us better partners, parents, friends and coworkers.

10 Ways Pleasure Can Save Your Life

Here’s a transcript of a live talk we gave in about 2009 about “10 Ways Pleasure Can Save Your Life”

And, we believe Pleasure can SAVE your life. Literally. Here are 10 reasons why:

#10 – The autonomic nervous system controls the heart, the smooth muscles around your organs, and your glands. There are two modes – Sympathetic and Parasympathetic – Stress and Pleasure. Many adults stay stuck in the stress mode, which has devastating impact on your health. Experiencing pleasure counteracts the impact of stress and gives your body the chance to heal.

#9 – Pleasure is essential for your heart health. Pleasure activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the heart rate, lowers blood pressure and stimulates production of healthy hormones that are highly beneficial to heart health. 

#8 – Every experience of pleasure activates your immune system, providing a measurable and enduring boost to your body’s natural defenses. A single moment of pleasure can boost your immune response for up to 6 hours.

#7 – Pleasurable touch creates a positive upswing in our entire system. When you are touched or cuddled, your blood chemistry can change in as little as one millionth of a second – the brain instantly responds to pleasurable touch with a flood of endorphins.

#6 – Experiencing pleasure can help us feel loved. Feeling loved and emotionally secure is essential for the overall health of mammals. Study after study shows that emotional bonds and physical contact allow mammals to thrive. Studies with infants have shown that touch and love are biological needs on par with food and water. Adults also need touch to thrive – try exchanging more couples massage at home and notice the profound difference it can make in your life! 

#5 – The first five ways pleasure can save your life are all about the physical health benefits of pleasure. These health benefits should not be underestimated – more and more medical studies are confirming that pleasure, relaxation and love may be the best cure for what ails us. But we all know that quality of life is measured by much more than physical health. Pleasure is what makes our lives worth living, giving us a sense of purpose and direction. Pleasure can be a strong motivator for altruism and generosity.

#4 – Many long-term relationships and marriages end because of a lack of pleasure. Most love relationships prioritize shared pleasure in the beginning, but over the years, stress, responsibilities and duties tend to eclipse pleasure. By creating a culture of pleasure in relationships, and making it a priority to share pleasure in all forms, long term relationships can thrive.

#3 – We believe that being in tune with your authentic desires and pleasure leads to a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction with your life. A lack of fulfilling pleasure can lead to resent and regret – the toxic twins that can make you feel like you wasted time, or lived a life of someone else’s making.

#2 – We all have a unique constellation of pleasures. Our pleasures and desires are part of what makes us who we are, and we often establish our communities around shared pleasures. Paying attention to what gives you pleasure will allow you to know yourself, and build more meaningful relationships and communities.

#1 – What are you truly passionate about? What kind of pleasure lights you up, make you feel completely alive?  By locating peak moments of pleasure from our past and paying attention to new passions as they emerge, we can choose to live a more passionate life.

Making pleasure a priority can bring your body back into balance, counteracting the deadly effects of stress, and may literally save your life.

And, pleasure will make you happier and more fulfilled – so you can be sure that the life you save is worth living.

Ready to start making pleasure a priority? Let’s get started.

Thanks for helping us serve you better by letting us know what you want.

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Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day rolls around every year – as some version has for over 2500 years! With it’s roots in pagan fertility festivals and it’s future as a multi-day festival celebrating all kinds of love, Valentine’s Day is here to stay. So it is time to rethink Valentine’s Day, again!

In this episode of Speaking of Sex with The Pleasure Mechanics, your hosts Chris and Charlotte break down the epic, sometimes bloody, history of Valentine’s Day and talk about how we can all rethink, reclaim and realign Valentine’s Day to meet our current needs for celebrating love, intimacy and, perhaps, carnal thrill.

For the full resource guide to this episode, visit PleasureMechanics.com/Vday

Celebrate and explore pleasure, love and joy with us year round by joining our global community of over 10,000 Pleasure Seekers – enroll in our free online course The Erotic Essentials to get started.