Legendary kink educator Midori says “BDSM is joyous play with adult sexual privilege & cool toys”
Spanking, bondage and other forms of kinky sex are really just elaborate forms of play for adults. We call it Erotic Game Play. We came up with this term to describe the vast spectrum of activities that adults do together to create an alternate reality where they can experience extraordinary sexual states. Erotic Game Play includes things like bondage, role playing, intense sensation play, striptease and an endless variety of sexual adventures.
Ready to explore kink with us? Let’s get started!
- Before Pleasure, Comes Safety
- You Are Kinky – Why Everyone Needs To Explore Kinky Sex
- Getting Kinky In A Long Term Relationship
Why play erotic games?
Humans love playing games. Very few human cultures have ever existed without games of some sort. From puzzles and word games to ball sports and races, humans love the thrill, challenge and emotional highs of games. Add in the human expression of sexuality, and the Erotic Games Are On!
Before visions of stadiums full of sweaty glistening naked athletes and judges with scorecards (hmmm, not a bad vision at all!) we want to really get clear on what we mean by Erotic Games – and why learning to play is the smartest move you’ll make for a happy fulfilling sex life.
Erotic games will open new possibilities for you and your lover. You’ll safely be able to explore new erotic energies such as power, surrender and seduction – without risking the sanity and security of your long term relationship. Erotic game play will be your escape together, so you can enjoy extraordinary experiences and come back unscathed, radiating with erotic euphoria.
What is a game?
Imagine you and I are walking to the park and chatting as we play with a ball. I throw it to you, you throw it to me. We are playing together, but there is no game.
We keep walking, get to the park, unpack our gear, put on special equipment, and take to the field. A few moments later you are tackling me to the ground. Game on!
If you had tackled me on the way to the park, we’d have a serious problem. Once in our uniforms and pads, both willingly playing a game together, the rules have changed. We are in an alternate reality, where new things are possible. We understand the goals, the roles and the rules. When the timer ends, we’ll go on being friends (as long as we’ve both played the game according to the rules) and hopefully we have both had a great time.
- A Game is a form of Play governed by an agreed-upon set of Goals, Rules and Roles.
- A Game creates an alternate reality, where new experiences are possible.
- An Erotic Game uses game play principles to design erotic spaces beyond the ordinary, where new and potentially ecstatic sexual experiences are possible.
As we explore the techniques of erotic spanking, we will include topics such as boundaries, time-outs, roles and erotic goals to enable you to craft a sexual experience that meets your own unique desires. By using Game metaphors, you can better understand what it is you want to experience and communicate with your lover to optimize your erotic experience.
Remember that when you play a role in an Erotic Game, you are stepping into an alternate reality to experience a specific kind of eroticism. Just like football players don’t tackle strangers on the streets, your role in the game ends with the game itself. Keeping this in mind may allow you to give yourself permission to surrender to the experience of an erotic spanking. If you really want to be spanked, you can ask your lover to spank you without giving up power in your relationship or your life outside the boundaries of the spanking game you agree to. Likewise, you can get into the erotic act of spanking your lover without being abusive or disrespectful. By staying clear that you are agreeing to specific roles for a specific amount of time, with clear goals and boundaries, you’ll be able to enjoy the experience of spanking fully without compromising your relationship or dignity.
Many people fantasize about erotic spanking but are concerned about “what it means” or the morality of engaging in a “degrading” or “humiliating” experience. Again, thinking about erotic spanking as a game that you are choosing to play can help put your desire in context. Spanking is a form of intense sexual stimulation and erotic expression between consenting adults. Choosing to be spanked doesn’t mean you want to be abused, and getting off on spanking your lover doesn’t make you a bad person.
With the techniques in this course, you’ll be able to share a hot, intense sexual experience that is authentic to your desires and gives you an erotic high that can last for days. You’ll learn how to create clear boundaries about what you want and what you don’t want to happen, so you can minimize the potential for regret. Just like athletes step into specific roles to explore specific goals and physical experiences, give yourself permission to create the opportunity to explore new facets of your sexuality. As long as both partners are participating out of authentic desire, there is no need to worry about the morality of how your sexuality is being expressed.
As humans, we long for intense physical and emotional experiences that allow us to transcend our everyday limitations. Give yourself the gift of exploring the full potential of your erotic expression!
Active, Enthusiastic Consent
Consent is absolutely essential at every stage of kinky exploration. Without consent, kinky sex can quickly become abusive, and we know you don’t want to go anywhere near abuse.
So what is consent? Far beyond saying “yes,” consent means active and enthusiastic participation.
We’re going to show you how to negotiate and mutually agree to everything that will happen during your kinky sex play ahead of time, so you go into your explorations with mutual consent in place. But that doesn’t mean it ends there!
We’ll also show you how to agree on a set of safe words so that either one of you can slow down or end your explorations at any point during your play. But that still isn’t enough.
To truly be consensual, sex must take place in a pressure free environment where there are not negative consequences if you want to change your mind midway.
Let’s imagine that you have negotiated a spanking scene.
You’ve discussed the details and you are both excited. You’ve cleaned the house, arranged a babysitter and you are in the mood for fun. You get started, you are both feeling hot and sexy and everything feels great. Until it doesn’t. For whatever reason, the spanking just isn’t feeling right.
Your body isn’t responding and you aren’t getting aroused. What happens then?
Without an agreement of active consent in place, you may feel guilty about asking to stop. You may let it go on longer than you want to out of fear of hurting your lover’s feelings. You may endure and then feel angry or resentful later. Your partner will notice and feel confused about what they did wrong.
You’ll avoid future spanking scenes out of fear of repeating a negative experience.
With an active consent agreement in place, you’ll feel comfortable asking your partner to stop. Or, your lover will notice that you aren’t responding as you usually do and stop to check in. You’ll trust that nothing bad will come out of asking to stop.
Once you stop, you can take a moment together and then switch activities. Maybe you’ll curl up together and cuddle. Maybe you’ll start making out and have great sex. Maybe you’ll find another kinky activity you want to try instead.
You’ll stay connected, stay in the pleasure zone and build trust. When you try spanking again, you won’t be afraid and maybe you’ll have an amazing time.
Active consent makes a huge difference over the lifespan of your sex life.
Don’t worry about consent taking the spontaneity out of your sex life.
Consent is sexy – what is hotter than knowing your lover is completely ready and eager to play with you?
To make sure your play is fully consensual at every stage, we’re going to ask you to make an agreement, with one another and with us. With this agreement firmly in place, you don’t have to waste energy wondering if your lover is enduring anything. You can both relax knowing you will slow down or stop whenever needed.
The Pleasure Mechanics Consent Agreement For Kinky Play Time
- If, at any moment, I am not enjoying what is happening, I will safeword.
- If, at any moment, I feel overwhelmed, confused or scared, I will safeword. I will check in or stop the scene all together.
- If, at any moment, I notice that my lover feels distant or disconnected, I will check in or stop the scene all together.
- I will always honor our mutual willingness to explore, and never humiliate or punish my lover for slowing down or stopping.
Is there anything else that would help you feel safer as you start exploring together?
Celebrate that you are going on this adventure together, and if you can make this agreement, seal it with a kiss!
Recap: Great Kinky Communication
- Be specific and honest about what it is about spanking you find hot and what you want to experience
- Name specific kinds of erotic energy you want to play with
- Be clear if the scene will include or will be followed by erotic stimulation
- Set a safe word that means “slow down” and another that means “STOP”
- Discuss any specific boundaries that will help you enjoy the experience
