Pleasure Mechanics

Risk

It should be acknowledged that different sexual activities inherently involve degrees of risk.

Risk comes in many forms:

Physical Safety:

– Risk of Transmission of Sexually Transmitted Infections

– Risk of Pregnancy

– Risk of Injury (through improper technique)

– Risk of Physical Abuse

 Emotional Safety:

– Risk of Unrequited Emotional Investment

– Risk of Loss of Requited Emotional Investment (Death, Disease)

– Risk of Embarrasment/Dishonesty/Humiliation

– Risk of Emotional Abuse / Manipulation

In short, the more we “open up” to a lover, the more risk we are taking on in all of the above categories. Most people would consider having penetrative (oral, vaginal and anal) intercourse the highest all-around risk category. Everyone has different amounts of risk they are willing to take on.

We are not sexual health experts and can not advise you on the appropriate amount of risk. Where relevant, we try to provide links to clinical information about things like infections, pregnancy and abuse.

Our only goal is to provide you with techniques and strategies for more pleasure. When you choose to share touch with someone, we see an opportunity for maximizing your relaxation, pleasure, intimacy and connection.

Spermatorrhea

In the 18th and 19th centuries, masturbation was considered to be the source of a laundry list of pathologies, from insanity to hair loss. Onanism, or “spilling the seed” by ejaculating outside of intercourse intended for procreation, was a sin and medical danger.

If a patient had ejaculations outside of marital intercourse, or released more semen than is typical, then he was diagnosed with a disease called spermatorrhea or “seminal weakness.” A variety of drugs (including sedation) and other severe treatments, including circumcision and castration, were advised as treatment.

This is an image of a “German Spermatorrhoea Ring,” circa 1894.  Boys were fitted with these rings, or other elaborate devices, to prevent nocturnal erections and masturbation. If the penis got erect, the sharp teeth would puncture the shaft of the penis, causing great pain and potential injury.

Women were not spared brutal medical treatment for masturbation: cauterization of the clitoris was common medical practice.

Happily, the medical field has come a long way in the past century and doctors now heartily recommend regular masturbation for both male and female sexual health. Cock rings can be left for folks to explore on a more voluntary and pleasurable basis.

 

G-Spot

If you feel confused about erotic anatomy, you are SO not alone! Most of us never learned this stuff in school. For a complete, friendly guided tour of erotic anatomy, we highly recommend spending some time with the brilliant *Atlas of Erotic Anatomy* from sex therapist Cyndi Darnell

What is the G-Spot?

G-spot is a common name for the female prostate, also known as the skene’s gland or the paraurethral gland.

Where is the G-Spot? How Do You Find the G-Spot?

The G-Spot refers to the female prostate, which is found surrounding the urethra just under the bladder. It is best stimulated through the vaginal wall. Slide a finger (after mastering our fingering techniques of course!) into the vagina and bend the fingertip towards the belly button or pubic bone – some describe this as a “come hither” motion. You’ll feel a change in texture in the vaginal wall, a rough or spongy area.

How Can I Best Stimulate the G-Spot?

G-Spot stimulation with fingers or a toy is a common way women experience orgasm. The G-Spot is sometimes stimulated during intercourse, but this is tricky guesswork (the penis has neither the dexterity nor the sensitivity of the fingers) and not the easiest way to explore G-spot stimulation. Once you have experienced g-spot orgasms through fingering, you’ll enjoy more sensation in this area during other types of lovemaking.

What is a G-Spot Orgasm?

Some women who experience strong g-spot sensations and female ejaculation refer to “g-spot orgasms” in reference to the specific range of sensations, physical release and emotional experience of an orgasm that is generated primarily through g-spot stimulation. Some women report g-spot orgasms being highly relaxing and often include elements of emotional release.

Why is there so much controversy around the g-spot?

The G-Spot is one of the most misunderstood areas of sexuality. It is not a mysterious spot that some women have and some women are missing –  it is an anatomical structure that all women have, just like all men have a prostate.

The G-Spot and Female Ejaculation have long been subject to controversy and debate amongst sex educator and the medical profession. Thankfully, there is increasing consensus that the female prostate is the anatomical match to the male prostate and shares similar functions.

Do men have a g-spot?

G-spot usually refers to the specific part of the female sexual system, the match to the male prostate. The male p-spot, sometimes called a-spot, can be stimulated via tremendously pleasurable prostate massage. We are huge fans of prostate massage – which is how we became creators of the world’s bestselling video on prostate massage!

Ejaculation

The release of sexual fluids from the urethra, usually (but not always) during sexual excitement.

Ejaculate is a combination of several body fluids- primarily prostatic fluid, fluid from the cowper’s gland and (in men) sperm.

The contractions of the pelvic muscle help propel the ejaculate fluid out of the body.

There is a lot of fuss about ejaculation in the sex education world: men want to learn how to withhold ejaculation, and women want to learn how to ejaculate. Both goals are seen as markers of enlightenment or sophistication.

Some traditions discourage frequent ejaculation, citing the emission of precious fluids as depleting to overall health and vitality. Modern medicine, however, encourages frequent ejaculation to maintain prostate health and hormone levels.

It is our position that ejaculation is just one of the many pleasurable options for sexual climax, and is neither more nor less advanced that non-ejaculatory orgasms.

Arousal, Erection, Orgasm and Ejaculation are often considered to be a package deal for men: you can’t have one without the other. To enjoy more sexual pleasure and erotic freedom, it is essential to dismantle this myth and understand these events to be complementary experiences that may come in any combination.

Sex Contracts

A sex contract is a formal agreement between two or more consenting adults acting on their own free will. This consensual agreement between lovers should never be confused with sex slavery or abuse.

Sex contracts can serve many functions within a relationship. A sex contract can be formal agreements about the values and principles you agree upon for your erotic life. Some couples who play with erotic power exchange or BDSM use sex contracts to formalize roles and boundaries. Contracts can also be used for limited periods of time, such as a vacation or date night, to create a specific experience together.

The erotic novel 50 Shades of Grey popularized the idea of sex contracts, and prompted many couples to explore the fantasy of entering formal erotic agreements and power exchanges.

Some people prefer to call it a Sex Commitment instead of a Sex Contract, which may or may not imply less formality of the agreement.