For curious minds, here is an image of Chris’ back tattoos, based on the anatomy of the male and female pelvic floor muscles. Charlotte delights in telling people about Chris’ “penis tattoo” or “tattoo of two assholes” so here they are. Chris got the tattoos out of a deep commitment to the beauty and power of human genital anatomy.
The word vulva refers to the external genitals. The word vagina refers just to the internal shaft. Neither of these terms, nor any of the slang for female genitals, accurately reflects the entire sexual system.
The vulva includes the labia, the clitoris and the area around the entrance to the vagina. The vulva is where most women experience the most pleasure, especially the clitoris. For our stroke-by-stroke video guide to pleasure the entire female sexual system, including clitoral stimulation and internal vaginal and g-spot stimulation, check out our Foreplay Mastery Course.
A physical response, in which the erectile tissues of the clitoris or penis is engorged with blood and becomes more rigid. Both men and women have erectile tissue in their genitals, both men and women can experience erections. Erection pulls the skin of the genitals more taut around the shaft of the penis or clitoris, exposing more nerve endings and heightening sensation.
Contrary to popular “blue balls” myth, erections can come and go painlessly – and “losing” an erection does not need to end a sexual encounter. Erections are also not an on/off switch – most men experience a range of erectile stages, each with their own pleasures.
Our cultural obsession with erectile disorder has the uninvited effect of making many men ashamed of becoming less erect, even if they are highly aroused. This sometimes ends sexual encounters prematurely, shaming both partners and causing resentment. Embracing all stages of erection – including the aroused but not erect penis- can greatly extend sexual pleasure and take the pressure off men to be constantly hard when aroused.
To learn more about how to maintain and erection and control ejaculation, get a complete guided tour of erotic anatomy with sex therapist Cyndi Darnell’s Atlas of Erotic Anatomy*
* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!
Q: I feel mis-informed about erections and arousal. There are times when I am aroused about sex but not hard. Is that normal?
A: Men are taught that arousal and erection are a package deal, just like orgasm and ejaculation. To enjoy more sexual pleasure and erotic freedom, it is essential to dismantle this myth and understand these events to be complementary experiences that may come in any combination.
Get a complete guided tour of erotic anatomy with sex therapist Cyndi Darnell’s Atlas of Erotic Anatomy*.
We have a whole book dedicated to how to separate ejaculation from orgasm so you can enjoy prolonged arousal and multiple orgasms, and you can find it as just one of the resources in our most popular online sex course for couples.
Erections and arousal are a bit of a trickier subject.
It is perfectly normal for a man to feel aroused and not be erect. Arousal is a full-body experience and you can be highly aroused without getting an erection. If it is not getting in the way of your sexual experience, and you experience full erections some of the time, it probably is not something you need to worry about. There is so much you can enjoy with your partner without an erection, and broadening your sexual repertoire is always a good idea.
If you are never getting fully erect, or your lack of erection is getting in the way of enjoying a satisfying sexual experience, there are ways to explore how to get a stronger erection.
The first check-in is with your overall health. Obesity, diabetes, heart disease and pharmaceuticals can have a major impact on how erect you get. One of the best motivations for getting in better shape is the impact on your sex life. If you are out of shape, explore the possibility of whipping yourself into shape and your sex life will benefit. If you suspect your health is getting in the way of your sexual function, it may be worth having a conversation with a doctor to get their professional recommendations.
The next thing to tackle is your stress levels. Stress has a huge impact on arousal and erections. The body needs to flip into the parasympathetic mode before an erection can occur, so if you are chronically stressed you may be short circuiting your body’s ability to get erect and feel more pleasure. Read more about stress and arousal here.
The third line of attacking for exploring how to get stronger erections is tackling pelvic tension. Most of us carry a great deal of muscular tension in the muscles of our pelvis. This physically limits the amount of blood flow to your genitals and can block erections. This is true for both men and women, it is just more visible on men who are noticing weaker erections. Our favorite form of relieving pelvic tension is butt massage – by tackling the big muscles of the buttocks you can release a lot of tension and get way more blood flowing to the genitals. It is our #1 recommendation for relaxing foreplay. You can also try perineum massage, which tackles tension at the nexus of muscles found at the perineum. We think it is so important we included our stroke-by-stroke guide to perineal massage in both our Foreplay Mastery Course and Prostate Massage Online Course, so pick up either one of those video guides to learn how to do deep massage at the perineum and get more blood flowing to your penis.
Again, if you are experiencing full erections some of the time and have a sex life that is fulfilling to you and your lover, there is nothing to worry about when you sometimes feel aroused without an erection. Enjoy the full body sensations of arousal, including stimulating your soft penis and notice how much pleasure is available to you. If you are never experiencing a full erection, explore the suggestions above about how to get an erection and pay attention to your erections as a sign of your overall physical health.
Cheers!
Chris and Charlotte, The Pleasure Mechanics
* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!
The breasts are a central part of a woman’s sexual anatomy, and sensual breast touch can be highly pleasurable. Many women, however, do not include the breasts in their sex play. Most women have experienced sloppy or boring breast touch, and over time have numbed out any potential pleasure of breast touch. Many men are intimidated by touching the breasts, feeling like they don’t do it quite right or giving up after being discouraged by the lack of response from their female lovers.
Master erotic breast stimulation with our video guide, The Pleasure Mechanics Guide To Erotic Breast Massage
Breast Anatomy
The breasts are part of the larger chest area. The breast tissue is a combination of milk glands, fatty tissue, connective tissue and supportive ligaments. The entire breast is situated over and supported by the pectoral muscles. Between the breasts is the sternum bone, which bridges the two sides of the rib cage and protects the lungs and heart. Each breast has a nipple surrounded by the aureola. Nipple color, shape and size vary greatly.
Within the breast, mammary glands are surrounded by protective layers of fatty tissue. Each mammary gland is connected to the nipple by a network of lactiferous ducts. This system is very similar to the roots of a tree, or the network of veins and arteries throughout the body. During nursing, milk is produced and stored in the breast and then flows through this network of glands and through the nipple. While one of the female breasts’ primary function is milk production, women have a relationship with their breasts whether or not they ever nurse, and at all stages of life, not just during child-bearing years.
The health of breast tissue relies on the lymphatic system. Lymph nodes remove excess fluids from bodily tissue, regulate fatty acids, and produce immune cells. Unlike the cardiovascular system, the lymph system has no central pump, and relies on natural motion in the body to move lymph into the concentrations of lymph nodes in the armpit, groin and throat. The breasts often are held still all day in a tight bra, and some medical studies indicate that stagnate lymph is a factor in the development of breast cancer. Proponents of lymphatic massage suggest that manual movement of lymph can assist the body in removing toxins and maintaining lifelong breast health.
The breasts have a high concentration of nerve endings, especially in the nipples. The underside of the nipple has the densest concentration of nerve endings in the entire breast. During arousal, the breasts swell and become more sensitive, and nipples may harden and in some cases grow substantially in size. When fully aroused, some women find that the nipples are so sensitive that even small touches can feel quite intense.