Pleasure Mechanics

Sexual Fantasies

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Sexual Fantasy :: Free Podcast EpisodeThe Most Common Sexual Fantasies

Countless surveys have confirmed the most common fantasies amongst men and women. Surprisingly, most fantasies arouse somewhere between 30-50% of men and women alike. We all pull from the same well of common sexual fantasies, but each have a unique constellation of turn-ons. In addition, there are countless sexual fantasies that arouse fewer people, but are very real for those who are turned on by more obscure interests.

The most common sexual fantasies are:

  • Domination & Submission (Erotic Power Play)
  • Bondage
  • Spankings & Flogging (Intense Sensation Play)
  • Threesomes or Group Sex
  • Roleplaying
  • Outdoor Sex
  • Sex In Unusual Places
  • Sex With Forbidden People (Erotic Roleplaying)

In the podcast on this page (hit the play button at the top of the page!) we explore how you can bring elements of these fantasies to life with your partner. The Kinky Sex Mastery Course is designed to guide you in exploring your sexual fantasies – while staying safe and protecting your relationship!

Sexual Fantasies Are NOT Desires

The difference between Fantasy and Desire is incredibly important to establish and maintain. Establishing this difference will give you more freedom to explore Fantasy and more confidence in naming your Desires. You’ll be more likely to know what you authentically want, and much more likely to make those Desires a reality.

We strongly urge you to maintain a very clear distinction between these terms, according to their dictionary definitions:

Fantasy:  the activity of imagining things, esp. things that are impossible or improbable

Fantasy is the realm where anything is possible, where you are free to imagine wild scenarios, extraordinary circumstances and superhuman powers.

Desire: a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

Desires are those experiences that you find pleasurable and want more of in your actual life. Desires are specific elements from the world of fantasy and reality that you find fulfilling.

In Fantasy, anything is possible. The limits of reality do not apply. The bank account is endless, your health and safety are guaranteed. You are dropped into the blank slate of possibility, and the only limit is your imagination. In the realm of Fantasy, you can privately explore the outer limits without having to justify your thoughts to anyone, without any risk.

Something changes from a Fantasy to a Desire as soon as you want to make it real. Fantasies are not fulfilled – Desires are. Fantasies live in our imagination alone, Desires are part of our real physical lives. Pleasures may change from one category to the other over your lifetime, moving across the boundary as dictated by your life circumstance, physical abilities and your emotional and physical needs.

One of the very first steps in the Kinky Sex Mastery Course is to share some of your sexual fantasies and define your desires with your partner. This is the first step towards making elements of your sexual fantasies come to life in your actual erotic life.

Sexual Fantasy Is A Safe Zone

Humans use fantasy in just about every realm of life: from sci-fi alien stories to vampire romances, sports hero movies to war dramas. We actively seek out books, movies and shows that explore the fantasy of other worlds and extraordinary circumstances. Everyone has different kinds of fantasies they enjoy – one guy might be really into gory monster movies but flinch at war movies, and his buddy might be really into historical battle scenes but yawn at zombie flicks.

In most realms, we do not assign moral judgement to our fantasy lives – no one is concerned that all the people obsessed with vampire dramas are going to start drinking their lover’s blood. We give ourselves permission to enjoy the realm of fantasy, to experience the emotional catharsis of traveling into other realms in our imagination alone, and cherish the safety of the theater seat while we watch the bloody spectacle on screen.

When it comes to sexual fantasy, however, people tend to be a bit more tentative to give themselves permission to have an active and rich fantasy life. Many people experience guilt and shame over their fantasies, even those they never intend to make real. We somehow believe that our sexual fantasies say something about who we are as people, about our morals and characters. Think about it, more people are comfortable admitting that they enjoy brutal horror movies than that they enjoy a simple bondage fantasy. We know the horror flick doesn’t make us lunatic killers, so why does a bondage fantasy come with a moral judgement?

We believe this guilt and shame over the realm of sexual fantasy is a very sticky residue from our culture’s puritanical past. For thousands of years, our sexual behavior was under strict control by the institutions of church and state, and this control was so effective it even made us constrict and fear our erotic imagination. Whatever your religious position and personal sexual ethics dictate you do in real life, we believe the realm of fantasy should be without moral implications. This freedom is essential to allow yourself if you want to know yourself as a sexual being, free from guilt and shame.

Sexual Fantasy Makes Your Sex Life Is a Work of Art

Sexual fantasy is the creative force in your sex life. It is what allows you to go beyond the predictable, standard issue sexual experience. By bringing creativity and imagination to your sex life, you start crafting a sex life that is your own work of art.

Sexual fantasy demands your creativity and rewards you with a richer experience of your sexuality how you interact with the world around you.

Human beings are playful sexual creatures. No other animal in the world is as creative as we are when it comes to our mating rituals. We make love not only for procreation, not only for pleasure, but to express emotions and cement intimate relationships. Human sexuality is indeed an art form – and sexual fantasy is one of the most powerful ways to fuel you erotic creativity and begin designing a sex life that truly expresses your unique personality and fulfills your desires.

Sexual Submission

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Sexual Submission :: Free Podcast EpisodeThere are many reasons we crave sexual submission.

Being submissive means you get to be taken on a journey by a trusted partner who attends to your desires and needs.

Submission is an act of trust. It is turning over your body and your well being into someone else’s care.

Sexual submission can be both thrilling and scary. But it can also be empowering.

Submission is a negative term in our power hungry culture. To be submissive is to be weak. In the world of Kinky Sex, just the opposite is true. Being submissive is an honored role, a respected part of the circuit that kinky sex requires. Submission during sex means trusting your partner enough to temporarily relinquish control and be guided on a journey.

The key is that you pre-negotiate what will happen during kinky sex. You get bold enough to lay out all of your desires – as well as your boundaries – so you can relax and let go.

We submit to other people’s expertise all the time: doctors, pilots, bus drivers, attorneys. These roles have high barriers to entry, with years of study and rigorous testing allowing only the most committed and talented into the profession. We trust these credentials and they give us enough confidence to surrender. No one would board a plane if just anyone could be a pilot.

In Kinky Sex, you and your partner get to experiment with who is the dominant partner and who is submissive. We highly recommend you switch it up frequently so you both can experience the pleasures of both roles!

Submission doesn’t mean weakness when it comes to kinky sex. There are many ways to be submissive. In the Kinky Sex Mastery Course we explore 6 different styles of submission so you can play with the whole range.

The most common image of a sexual submissive is a vulnerable submissive grovelling at the feet of a dominant, being whipped for the dominant’s pleasure. This is certainly one possibility amongst an infinite galaxy of options! But a submissive could also be in the role of “proud beauty” displaying their erotic talents for praise and worship. Or they might be totally relaxed and going on a journey of sensations. Ultimately, being submissive during kinky sex means “being done” in exactly the ways you are craving.

We hear from tons of people who want to experience sexual submission for one very common reason: surrender. We all live busy lives full of responsibilities. Sexual submission can be a short (but very effective!) vacation from our everyday lives. When you submit you get the chance to totally relax and receive. You don’t have to make any decisions or choices, because you’ve already negotiated what will happen and you’ve left all of the control in your partner’s capable hands. You simply have to be. How often do you get that opportunity?

Sexual submission also gives us the opportunity to experience emotions that aren’t always available or allowed in everyday adult lives. Through sexual submission you can temporarily feel like:

  • a vulnerable child
  • an insatiable slut
  • a bratty princess
  • a noble warrior
  • a struggling captive
  • a highly desired prize

To recap, here are just a few of the incredible benefits of explore sexual submission:

  • profound relaxation
  • deep surrender
  • feeling desired
  • feeling powerful
  • transcending limits

Erotic Dominance

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Erotic Dominance :: Free Podcast Episode

Do you fantasize about feeling the pulse of arousal move through your body as your lover moans in pleasure at your feet? Are you ready to let your inner beast out to play once in awhile? Is it a turn on to think about your lover tied up and vulnerable, ready for your next touch?

If the idea of sexual dominance turns you on, you are not alone. Most people, to one degree or another, are aroused by the idea of being dominant in the bedroom. This role can be called the “dominant” or the “giver” or the “top” but whatever you call it, it means one thing: claiming erotic power and using it for mutual pleasure.

Sexual dominance can take many forms:

  • the stern and commanding top, barking orders and expecting them to be followed right away
  • the loving but firm dominant, doling out intense sensations along with affectionate and encouraging words
  • the wicked top with a sinister streak, creating emotional and physical challenges to make their bottom squirm and struggle
  • the masterful dominant who seamlessly creates an erotic arc of energy, taking their submissive into a deep trance
  • the strong and confident lover who take complete control and gives their receiver a wild ride

In the Kinky Sex Mastery Course, you have the opportunity to explore 6 kinds of sexual dominance and find the elements that most appeal to you. You’ll also get all of the tools you need to take control and be sexually dominant with confidence and competence.

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There are many distinct pleasures that come with being sexually dominant. According to Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, authors of “The Topping Book,” here are a few of the most common reasons people love being in the role of Top. All quotes in the paragraphs below are from The Topping Book: 

  • Empathy: the “contact high” of getting your partner incredibly aroused. When you learn how to pay attention to your lover and discover that you know exactly what to do next, incredible moments of intimacy become possible. “We believe that, contrary to the opinions of the uninformed, consensual dominance and topping are primarily empathic activities”
  • Creativity: the opportunity to bring creativity and novelty into sex. Being dominant is your chance to orchestrating an erotic experience for the bottom.  “We get to enjoy our inventiveness, our resourcefulness, our competence and our flashes of genius”
  • Bigness: the ability to unleash our inner power, dominant energy and take up lots of space. “When we top we put on a role that is about being important and powerful. And when our bottoms respond to us in our role as giants, when they offer us their trust, their adulation, and their belief in us as we see ourselves in our fantasies – when we see ourselves enormous in our bottoms’ eyes, what a blazing hot mirror!”
  • Nurturing: the chance to express tenderness and love for our partner.  “Nurturing is a big part of much of what we do, and the combination of kindness and cruelty is one of the fastest ways to take a bottom down the deepest”
  • Bullying: the chance to play the villain and be a bit wicked (with our partner’s pleasure in mind at all times!) “In BDSM we get to act out from parts of ourselves that conld not be described as nice: the bully, the villain, the inquisitor, the brute, the betrayer. Wicked, wicked, wicked.
  • Control: a powerful chance to be fully in command of an erotic situation. The better you get at being dominant in bed, the more trust you can earn from your partner. This trust comes when you can channel your desire and arousal into finely-tuned control in bed. Over time, you also earn the erotic devotion of your partner, and many people eroticize the control of being able to turn someone on with their presence alone. “There’s a keen joy in knowing your needs and desires are echoing in your loved one’s head”
  • Competence: the chance to master new skills that give you and your partner whole new realms of arousal “S/M is a technical sport, and a lot of us eroticize the chance to be competent… when we do (kinky sex) well, we get to ride the scene and our bottoms – with our universe, for the moment, exactly as we want it. How gratifying.”
  • Self-knowledge: allowing the experience of being dominant to reveal new facets to your personality, desires and needs. “Playing these roles out can be the way in which we clarify our vision, and developing an S/M personal can become the process by which we learn more about who we are.”

Your challenge is to think about dominant role models from books or videos that inspire you. Then identify their specific kinds of dominance and what particular dominant pleasures might interest you. Try to start getting specific about what arouses you about sexual dominance.

When you are ready to set out on a guided adventure into kink, enroll in the Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course.

 

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