Pleasure Mechanics — Page 74 — Pleasure Mechanics

Taboo Sexual Fantasies – Where’s The Line?

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Taboo Sexual Fantasies - Where's The Line?

Ever have fantasies that worry you? Or wonder if your fantasies are healthy? We all do. Here’s our take on taboo fantasies.

It is essential to know the difference between sexual fantasy and desire. Fantasy is the realm of pure imagination, where anything is possible and you can do our be anything that turns you on. Desire is what you want more of in your real life. The human brain loves fantasy and imagination, and we can experience very real thrills simply by thinking about something. Think about the thrills of going to an action movie – you’d never want to be in an exploding building in real life, but it can be fun and cathartic to be in the fantasy of it while safely in your seat.

So are there any boundaries when it comes to sexual fantasy? Are there any fantasies that should be off limits? Where does sex positive ethics draw the line?

In this podcast episode (click the play button at the top of the page to start listening) we discuss the ethics of sexual fantasy. We tackle:

Taboo fantasies – where is the line between racy and worrisome?
The truth about the 3 most taboo fantasies: rape, incest and youth
How fantasies affect our bodies and brains
The intersection of mental illness and sexuality
How to navigate sexual shame and hold yourself accountable

If you have ever been troubled by your sexual fantasies, this episode is for you!

Explore over 200 podcast episodes here or find your favorite topics in our Sex Index
Have a question you want covered on a future episode? Be in touch by clicking here.

Does Being Selfish In Bed Make Sex Better?

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Is asking for sex selfish? What makes someone a selfish lover? And when is being a little selfish a good thing?

This email reminded me of a study I had once seen, a study that triggered headlines like “Being Selfish Makes You Good In Bed” and “Selfish Lovers Are The Happiest.” The study (which you can read here) used the term “self focused” rather than selfish, and reported that people who had high levels of sexual self focus were not only more sexually satisfied, but also had more satisfied lovers.

So what is the difference between being selfish in bed and having a positive self focus? In this podcast episode (click the play button at the top of the page to start listening!) we get to the roots of our fear of being sexually selfish and encourage instead a positive attitude of sexual self focus.

Sexually Selfish: Focuses only on own pleasure, without regard to partner’s experience or feelings

Sexually Self Focused: Focuses simultaneously on own experience and partner’s feelings, with the goal of mutually pleasurable, consensual and satisfying sex.

Sexually Selfish: Initiates sex with and agenda for a specific outcome

Sexually Self Focused: Initiates sex without an agenda, allowing the intimate moment to be an authentic expression of both partner’s needs and wants.

Sexually Selfish: Takes sexual refusal personally and holds grudges about being rejected

Sexually Self Focused: Knows refusal isn’t always personal and can feel hurt without holding grudges or punishing partner

Sexually Selfish: Expects partners to magically know what they want and perform accordingly

Sexually Self Focused: Can communicate clearly about desires, preferences and requests to give their partner the gift of being a satisfying lover

Here is the email that inspired this podcast episode. You can be in touch to suggest topics or ask questions by clicking here.

Dear Pleasure Mechanics,

Thank you for your podcast and all you do. Listening has been great for my attitudes about sex (recovering catholic here!) I have a question for you, something that has been bothering me for the ten plus years of my marriage. I seem to have a higher libido than my wife, and struggle with the ethics of initiating sex. Once we get started she enjoys sex and I focus a lot of time on her pleasure (even more now thanks to your advice) but she never initiates. When I do, i feel like I am being selfish, like I am pushing my own agenda on her. And, once we are in bed, I feel selfish if I ever take a moment to really just enjoy sex, like when she is giving me oral sex I feel like I need to do something to make her feel good. Is this normal? Basically, i want to be a good husband and respect her, but if I never initiated we’d never end up in bed. Is it selfish of me to ask for sex when I want it? Thanks, Dan

Sex and Disability with Andrew Gurza

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Sex and Disability with Andrew Gurza

We can all learn more about how to enjoy sex by listening to the voices of people with disabilities. In this episode, Disability Awareness Consultant Andrew Gurza helps us shed light on the myths about sexuality and disability that limit our understanding and compassion.

To learn more about Andrew Gurza’s work and listen to his podcasts, go to AndrewGurza.com

How To Get High On Sex

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How To Get High On Sex :: Free Podcast Episode
Have you ever felt high from sex? That altered state of consciousness that comes from sex is sometimes described as “erotic trance.”

Erotic trance is a life changing experience. It can create a deep peaceful meditation or ecstatic states of pleasure. It can be a profoundly bonding experience between you and your lover, or a solo state of bliss.

We all crave the kind of sex that transports us to new dimensions of awareness. On this podcast, after sharing an article from New York Magazine about erotic trance, we offer strategies on how to purposefully cultivate the kind of sex that takes us to new realms of consciousness.

Prolonging Intercourse

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Prolonging Intercourse :: Free Podcast Episode

If you want to last longer in bed and prolong intercourse, you can learn ejaculation control and how to separate orgasm from ejaculation. If not, the refractory period will limit just how long intercourse can last. But if you don’t stay hard as long as you want to or experience premature ejaculation, you can get creative and explore alternative ways to prolong the pleasure of intercourse, with or without an erection.

In this episode, we cover the ins and outs of prolonging intercourse, including:

shedding the emotional anxiety that is holding you back
communicating with your lover to avoid assumptions
rethinking what it means to last longer in bed
mastering all of the tools of pleasure you have available
maintaining momentum and intensity
keeping a sense of humor while expanding your sexual repertoire
the place of sex toys in prolonging intercourse

This episode was inspired by an email sent in from a listener. Have a question you want answered? Be in touch!

Here’s the original email:

Back story our first 2 years together we’re amazing sex 2-3 times a day. What some would say the honeymoon phase, she would give me oral and just wanted sex all the time.

But somehow the last 2 years we have faded away from each other. There was a time where she wanted to and I just didn’t, I can not recall if it was due to working to much or financial issue that effect my sex drive. So having to turn her down many time she lost the drive, also she has went through a depression stage in her life having lost her job , she was in a dark hole for a while.

We almost broke up last year but have both agreed we need to work things out. We have finally slowly pulled her out of depression and things are getting much better. She is slowly wanting to have sex more often, before she just never had the desire to.

So my question is how do I build up her sex drive like before? Also I saw she told her friend that she just wants to be fucked. But having not had sex for so long consistently, I am having trouble lasting. These days i may only last 10 min which really affect my self image knowing that I can please her and “fuck her”. My time is slowly increasing I notice if I focus on pleasuring her I can last longer.

I recently gave her a full body massage then a yoni massage and was able to get her to multiple orgasms with g spot and clit stimulation. After that she wanted sex and then i notice I was able to last a little longer since I didn’t have anxiety to last long enough to get her to orgasm.

I am all into “fucking her” but that style/type really turns me on therefore I can’t last long. She loves getting bent over and she can actually get a orgasms from that position but The thing is I can’t last that long I get too aroused. She also hates when I have to stop or pull out to take a break.