Pleasure Mechanics

Karen Duffy on Pleasure, Pain and Purpose

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Do you deal with chronic pain? Have a chronic illness? Worried about what it means for your sex life and love relationship?

If so, you are not alone.

It is estimated that 1 in 3 Americans live with chronic pain or chronic illness, over 113 million American adults. Despite these numbers, chronic pain and illness can be a source of great shame, loneliness and isolation. Or, it can be a motivator to find pleasure and purpose in each day.

In this exclusive interview, Karen Duffy shares her thoughts about managing life with a chronic illness – and how her chronic pain has changed her relationship to pleasure, sexuality and love. She shares how she navigates life with generosity, humor and authenticity, and what unexpected gifts her illness has revealed in her life.

Karen “Duff” Duffy was at the height of her MTV VJ career when she got diagnosed with sarcoidosis, a chronic and debilitating disease.

Check out Karen Duffy’s books here: Model Patient and Backbone

It’s More Than Bad Sex

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

If the Aziz Ansari story shook you, you are not alone. So many of us have had sex that leaves us feeling violated, used and abused. It’s more than bad sex – it’s living in a violent sex culture. For so many of us “bad sex” is a major source of pain, shame and distrust. What counts as “bad sex” is actually coercive, forceful and sometimes abusive. When someone you are on a date with overrides your discomfort, lack of enthusiasm and uses you as a sexual object to enact a sexual script, it can feel incredibly painful and violating.

This kind of sex, that is all too common, is the result of rape culture. It is the result of a culture that doesn’t encourage us all to develop the skills of sexual agency, erotic communication, and sexual confidence. It is the culture that ladens so many of us with shame, guilt, fear and trauma – and then sends us into casual hookups to try our best to have consensual sex. It is the culture that cultivates arousal anxiety – as soon as a sexual situation begins, we rush through it as quickly as possible, trying to get as much as possible before the opportunity is lost. It is the culture where so many of us are suffering in silence. I

It is a culture that is ending.

We are in the middle of creating a new sexual culture – of consent, pleasure and agency. A new culture that allows all to experience sexual authenticity, ease and freedom. Where we pay exquisite attention to our partner and communicate easily. Where we can ask for what we want and create clear boundaries that are respected. Where consent is enthusiastic, active and ongoing. It’s not a pipe dream – it’s the new sex culture that is being actively created – and you can be part of it.

In this episode, we examine the Aziz Ansari date (as it was reported) and think about what went wrong, what patterns we see in the story, and how it could have gone differently. What would a “good sex” date night have looked like? What changes would we need to make where good sex is the norm, not the exception?

We would love to hear from you about this episode or anything else you are thinking about – be in touch with us here.

Articles About The Aziz Ansari “Bad Sex” Date:

“Grace’s” account of her date with Aziz Ansari as told to Babe.net

Lindy West on the history of creating consent culture at NYTimes.com

Thoughts from a consent educator on Vox

Pelvic Floor Pleasure with Dr. UC

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Dr. Uchenna “UC” Ossai is a sex-positive pelvic health physical therapist, sex educator and counselor. She bridges the worlds of physical therapy and sex education to support folks in optimizing pelvic floor health and sexual function.

In this interview, Dr. UC shares her expertise and wisdom about the pleasurable potential of the pelvic floor. We cover:

  • What is the pelvic floor and why does it matter
  • How the pelvic floor contributes to sexual pleasure
  • The most common pelvic floor dysfunctions
  • The cultural myth of tight vaginas
  • When to get help from a pelvic health professional
  • How to leverage your pelvic floor knowledge for more pleasure
  • Simple things you can do to support your pelvic floor health
  • A self-assessment practice to get a feel for how your pelvic floor is functioning
  • Why Chris got huge tattoos of the pelvic floor on her back (curious minds can check them out here)

Tools to support your pelvic floor health and pleasure:

Pelvic Floor Professional help:

Distracted During Sex? Here’s What To Do

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

If you ever get distracted during sex, here’s everything you need to know to stay focused and practice more mindful sex.

We cover how to minimize distractions during sex so you can focus on the pleasure and intimate connection that is available to you. We cover preparation for sex, practices that you can use during sex and troubleshooting the most persistent distractions during sex.

This episode is an encore presentation of Episode 054: Overcoming Distraction for Better Sex

The Power Of Erotic Intention

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

 

In this episode we explore the power of setting erotic intentions.

Intentions are not the same as goals or resolutions. Whereas goals are all about what you want to create in your future, intentions are focused statements about how you want to BE and FEEL in the current moment. Intentions guide your actions by focusing on your values and desires.