Pleasure Mechanics

Sharing Your Desires With A Defensive Partner

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Sharing Your Desires With a Defensive Partner

Sometimes, spicing things up in a long term relationship isn’t so easy.

What happens when your requests to try something new in the bedroom are met with hostility and anger?

In this episode, we offer some advice to a listener who wants to try new things and improve her sex life, but when she asks for what she wants her husband becomes defensive.

We suggest some erotic communication aikido to transform the situation into an opportunity for more connection and intimacy, while keeping her own boundaries intact and respecting her needs and desires.

Sex Toys and Tools

There are hundreds of high quality sex toys and tools available to experiment with.

Toys can help you create more pleasure, both solo and with your lover.

These vibrators, dildos, butt toys and prostate toys can help you stimulate new parts of your sexual anatomy, experience a wider range of sensations and play with sexuality in new ways.

Check out sites like SheVibe.com to find extensive buyer’s guides for toys that add more fun and variety to your sex life.

But remember – toys are supplements to high-quality touch, not a replacement for learning sexual techniques!

The Pleasure Mechanics Dos and Don’ts When Using Sex Toys and Tools

DO purchase toys from a reputable company that selects products based on quality and craftsmanship

DON’T purchase sex toys that are intended as “gag gifts” or “novelties”

DO spend time thinking about what kinds of sensation you want more of, and buy toys that will enhance your experience

DON’T buy toys just because they look good – ultimately, you want a toy collection that will help you have better sex, not pretty accessories.

DON’T buy toys on Amazon! The site is full of cheap knock-offs and the site doesn’t control quality. Buy from a site like SheVibe.com instead and you’ll get the real deal.

DO start small when purchasing dildos, butt plugs or anything insertable – you can always get larger sizes and work your way up

DO buy high-quality silicone toys if your budget permits. Silicone is smoother and healthier for your body than latex or vinyl.

DO consider glass dildos and wands – they won’t break and can provide a nice, weighty, smooth surface.

Where To Find Quality Sex Toys

We don’t sell sex toys – but our friends do!

SheVibe.com

A Few of our Favorite Pleasure Tools and Toys!

★ This stainless steel toy is a pound and a half of pure pleasure. One of our all time favorites – if you like the feeling of nice solid weight inside, you’ll love this tool.

★ Have you ever used a glass toy? It is NOT as scary as it first sounds. The smooth weight of the glass can feel amazing, they are beautiful works of art AND you can heat them up or cool them down to play with the sensations of temperature. Check out some beautiful glass toys here. 

★ If you haven’t tried a cock ring before, you’ve GOT to try one – here is a simple one for under $10 that just might delight you.

This page may contain affiliate links, allowing our friends in the sex toy biz to support PleasureMechanics.com. We only write about and link to products that we have personally reviewed and would use ourselves! For men’s sex toys, we work with fabulous male testers and our expertise of the male body! 

Am I Addicted to My Vibrator?

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Am I Addicted To My Vibrator?

Can you get addicted to your vibrator?

Do vibrators cause numbness and desensitization of the clitoris or other sensitive tissues?

We tackle this tricky topic as we answer the question of a woman who can’t seem to orgasm without her vibrator.

We offer tips and strategies to regain sensitivity and learn how to achieve orgasm from different kinds of stimulation.

Hooked on the Hitachi Magic Wand? You aren’t alone, and there is a way to unplug and gain more sensitivity!

Pleasure tools and sex toys are great – but if you want strategies for developing new pleasure pathways and sensitizing your body to new kinds of touch, here is some guidance!

Don’t Like Sex? Here’s What Might Be Going On!

Wife Doesn't Enjoy Sex

This episode has been archived. Click here for all current episodes of Speaking Of Sex or listen on Spotify. 

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A listener named Ryan called in with a very personal question. Nearly every time he tries to pleasure his wife, she responds by cringing and saying “ouch” or giggling. He tries to be a sensitive lover but she never seems to be able to relax and enjoy his touch.

We give Ryan, and everyone else who has a partner who can’t seem to enjoy sex, lots of advice and strategies to try to have a more spontaneous and pleasurable sex life. Our intuition leads us to believe there may be something going on beyond the relationship, a hidden cause for the hypersensitivity Ryan’s wife experiences.

This emotionally charged episode is a must-listen for anyone who has struggled to stay present during sex or had a partner who responds to touch in unexpected ways.

Update:

The day after we posted this episode, we received an email from Ryan thanking us for our response. Turns out our intuition is pretty accurate. Thanks to Ryan for trusting us with this issue, and we certainly hope that some of our suggested strategies create more pleasure and intimacy for him and his wife.

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Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

Couples Massage Mastery

Healing Sex by Staci Haines (In the podcast I use the original title, The Survivor’s Guide to Sex – that’s how long this book has been an essential part of my library!)

You can subscribe to the Speaking of Sex podcast via Itunes so you never miss an episode!