Pleasure Mechanics

Q&A: How To Be More Confident In Bed

Question:: Hello I was just wondering maybe you could help. I am embarrassed to be talking about this so do forgive me. I just wanted to know is there anyway of finding courage so I could give my boyfriend pleasure as I’m just a coward and he ends up doing everything. I don’t have one bit of a clue what to do I am scared to try if I just mess everything up! Is there any thing I could do to build up confidence so I can take over instead of him, it’s really embarrassing and makes me feel ashamed so please can you help I would be most grateful. thank you.

 

Answer:: Hey there,

Thanks so much for being in touch!
Gaining more confidence in pleasuring your partner will be an amazing experience for you- the opportunity to express love through touch is incredible, and so much of what we do is to allow people to have that experience.
Try to let go of your shame around this – no one was given a manual on how to be a good lover! You are not alone in your struggle to gain more confidence and know how to give more pleasure. The fact that you are ready to learn means you are about to launch into a very pleasurable exploration! And it is very hard to “mess everything up” – just your willingness to try to give him pleasure will be really hot for most people!
Also be sure to ask him how he likes to be touched, what he wants from your sex life. And be willing to tell him the same. The ability to talk about sex openly is a huge skill for couples to develop. Start simple – say something like “for the next ten minutes I want to give you as much pleasure as possible – what do you want me to do to you?” and know you can always negotiate “well i don’t want to do that right now, but what about this?”
Please consider start by learning massage with our video guides – it is a really non-intimidating way to get started and can be an amazing part of intimacy. Then maybe you want to learn how to pleasure him with just your hands? And then of course, let him learn how to pleasure you more fully!
Be in touch if any questions come up along your journey.
All our best,
Chris and Charlotte

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Q&A: How To Last Longer During Massage

Question::

Hi Pleasure Mechanics,

Your books and tapes are great!  Thank you so much for making them.

My girlfriend wanted me to pass along a question. I am 6’1″ and she is 5’1″. It is very easy for me to message her whole body as my hands are relatively large compared to her body, where as her hands are very small compared to mine, and she gets tired pretty quickly. Do you have any advice for how she can conserve her energy and power when she is messaging?

Many thanks!

Ed

Answer::

Hi Ed!

This is a great question, and we’ll try to make a youtube video responding to it, as I am sure it is a common one.
A few things to try right away:
Most importantly, make sure to use body weight rather than muscle to create pressure. Transfer weight into your hands as if you were doing a push-up into your lover’s body. Then maintain this pressure and glide (make sure you are using oil!) Our favorite position for in bed is one knee planted in between the thighs, the other foot just under the armpit. This allows you to transfer your body weight forward.
Two, make sure to use lots of different parts of the hands and arms to massage so no one part gets tired. Since you are a big guy, explore using her forearms to glide over your big muscle groups. Just keep an eye on the elbow, as it is so hard and pointy and can hurt if it bumps into bones. think about gliding into the muscles using the broad part of the arm from wrist to just below the elbow.
Also, make sure she is staying comfortable and not wasting energy in an uncomfortable position. Depending on your bed height, standing or kneeling by the side of the bed might be more comfortable than being in bed with you.
You can also try a massage stone like this one: Contour Stone – it is a smooth tool that helps you dig into points of tension. It can be a nice way to get some satisfying pressure while giving her hands a break.
When all else fails, oil up and rub bodies! The skin to skin contact feels amazing, and it can be a nice transition into other kinds of intimacy.
Do me a favor, once you try these techniques out a few times shoot me an email and let me know what worked best for you!
Cheers,
Chris

Australian Sex Expert Jacqueline Hellyer on New Ways of Thinking About Sex

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Jacqueline Hellyer

Australian sex expert Jacqueline Hellyer joins us to talk about transforming how we think and talk about sex. We cover Jacqueline’s opinions on why so many women are bored by sex, how to enjoy a more wholesome and sustainable sex life and sex as an exhausted parent.

Jacqueline is irreverent, provocative and wonderfully intelligent about sexuality.

Join Jacqueline Hellyer and Charlotte of the Pleasure Mechanics for this candid conversation that will change how you think about sex. Find more from Jacqueline at www.jacquelinehellyer.com

 

How To Prevent Cheating

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How To Prevent Cheating

Cheating is one of the most common reasons that romantic relationships end. Infidelity can have devastating consequences for couples, families and individuals.

In this episode, we lay out a plan for preventing cheating and getting clear about your expectations for your relationship.

We encourage you to create an explicit agreement of trust with your lover by naming your authentic needs, desires and boundaries. With an explicit set of agreements, you are free to fully invest in  your relationship and experience the depths of intimacy and love.

More About How To Prevent Cheating

Our plan to prevent cheating is all about communicating your needs, desires and boundaries.

Your needs define your baseline requirements for feeling happy, loved and taken care of. Meeting your basic needs is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Together with your partner, you can figure out how to meet your physical and emotional needs.

Once your needs are taken care of, your authentic desires can emerge. Naming your specific desires and inviting your lover to help you fulfill them is a powerful way to create a hot, pleasurable relationship.

Finally, setting specific boundaries helps prevent cheating. To prevent the emotional betrayal of cheating, you need to be clear about what you agree to as a partnership. We challenge couples to create clear boundaries without creating excessive control or fear in their relationship. What happens if you give your lover permission to be a fully independent sexual being, while trusting they can still be devoted to you? What happens if you use flirting with other people as fuel for your own intimacy? How can monogamy be an experience of loving choice, rather than a muzzle or cage?

This podcast explores how to prevent cheating with radically honest communication and authentic expression of desire. Learn how to prevent what we call “the toxic twins” of regret and resentment, and use clear communication to get over small conflicts to prevent cheating and betrayal.

We believe it is possible to strategically create a healthy, happy relationship. Use these strategies to learn how to prevent cheating and create a more exciting, nourishing long term relationship.