Pleasure Mechanics

An Ode To Chris

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At the time of recording it is Chris’s Birthday, so Charlotte thought she’d do an ode to Chris on her birthday. 

As some of you may know from our tell all episode, episode 100. I first met Chris as my sex teacher. I walked into the building and was greeted by her, she was this loving, beautiful, powerful presence. I saw her and thought “I love you”. but didn’t quite know what to do with that. She was teaching an in person sexuality class that I was attending. She was younger than most people in the large group of people she was teaching and yet the way she held the space, taught with such competence and confidence, eloquence and intelligence was just breathtaking. And then I saw her touch. And I was done. She was demonstrating some kind of massage, butt massage I think it was and the precision of her touch was beautiful. She was paying such exquisite attention to the body, demonstrating such care, focus and skill that I knew I wanted to be under those hands. Later, when I first saw her receive touch, she moved her body and used her voice in ways that I had never thought of or had given myself permission to. She moved her hips in circles, growled, howled, got guttural and expressed her voice in a very loud, free, inspiring way. For the record we didn’t talk much during the class, she had excellent boundaries and many many months later I asked her out.

When I met her she was 90 pounds heavier than she is now. I saw her across the room naked and she was so confident, so at ease in her body and it was entirely inspiring. In our culture fat women are taught to be ashamed of their bodies and to see her feel not only so comfortable, but feel sexy in her skin was profoundly moving.

As some of you know she has a very intense history of childhood, teen and adult sexual assault and seeing her courage and persistence in how she has moved through the trauma in her body is incredibly inspiring. All of her perpetrators were men and I am amazed at her generosity of spirit that she has forgiven them all. She always reminds others that people who commit sexual abuse and assault have almost always been victims themselves, and how much they must have been hurting to hurt others. It is also beautiful to me that after all that, she continues to feel such a deep commitment to serve and encourage men to embody all of their power in their sexuality.

Her commitment to our Pleasure Mechanics community drives so much of her life. She inspires me daily in her desire to share, educate and encourage you to experience the most pleasure, power and freedom you and your lover can possibly feel in your body. We started this business three months into dating, and her primary motivation for taking our teachings online was to reach as many people as possible through the power of technology. She wakes up every day at 5 am by choice so ready to serve people she’s never met, and gets giddy with excitement when we get email from people whose lives we’ve touched.

There are a thousand other qualities I adore about Chris, we’ve done 6 road trips across the country, driven up and down each coast of the states so many times I’ve lost track and after over 9 years spending everyday together we haven’t yet run out of things to talk about. She is the kind of person that after camping out under the stars, we get in the car to go find breakfast, and before coffee she asks me “do you believe in democracy?”. Her inquisitive, sharp mind, her open hearted spirit is ever inspiring and interesting to me. And I adore seeing her parent our daughter. It is just the best.

I am honored to be her wife, co-parent and co-conspirator in creating a more safe, more pleasurable and more connected experience of sexuality in this world. To many more pleasurable years ahead for us all. Happy birthday darling. 

Cuddling

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Cuddling :: Free Podcast Episode

Cuddling is one of the most important things you can do for your relationship. Cuddling offers many benefits for your physical health and for your relationship. Every expert – from sex educators to doctors to therapists – recommend cuddling. Most people love some element of cuddling – either the physical affection or the emotional intimacy.

But cuddling does offer some challenges that are rarely talked about! From dead limb syndrome to mismatched desires for cuddling, cuddling can actually create conflict in a relationship if it is not approached with the right skills and strategies!

In this podcast (hit the “play” button at the top of this page to start listening!)

Let’s be clear: cuddling is a very healthy practice. Skin to skin contact releases the healthy hormones oxytocin and dopamine, both of which offer a range of benefits from boosting your immune system to regulating your sleep patterns. But most of us don’t cuddle for the medicinal effects. We cuddle to express love and affection, to feel close to our loved ones and to slow down long enough to really connect. A good cuddle session can leave you feeling loved, relaxed and nourished with love.

Since cuddling is so great, let’s explore how you can enjoy even more of it in your relationship.

First, find your cuddle style!

Cuddling Positions:

Not everyone likes the intense physical closeness of spooning, for example. Try lots of positions and notice the emotional energetics of each one. Some cuddling positions feel more mutual while others feel like one partner is “holding” the other. Spooning offers the closeness of full body-to-body contact, while other positions minimize physical contact while maintaining the intimacy of cuddling. Try a whole range of positions and notice the emotional and physical feelings of each one!

Don’t get stuck in a cuddling rut! Trying new positions allows each of you to experience the whole range of cuddling experiences. The term “jetpacking” refers to the physically smaller partner being on the outside of the spooning position. We love this nickname and encourage you to not limit your cuddling based on assumptions due to physical size or gender norms!

Cuddling Times:

Do you like to cuddle in front of the TV? before sleep? upon waking? Do you want to create dedicated cuddle time? There are many opportunities for cuddling. While cuddling in front of the TV can offer many of the physical benefits of cuddling, your emotional attention is directed at the screen rather than at one another, so it may feel less intimate.

Cuddling Capacity:

Just like everyone has a different level of libido, everyone craves a certain amount of cuddling. This means that between you and your partner, it is quite normal to have a gap between how much cuddling you each want. Discuss this openly and don’t make it a problem. Try to meet one another’s needs without either of you becoming a martyr. We discuss this issue in depth in the podcast episode (just hit “play” at the top of this page!)

Cuddling Needs:

When navigating your cuddling times with your partner, try to be specific about what you need. Do you just want to relax in your lover’s arms? Do you want to connect emotionally and talk? Are you in the mood for sex and using cuddling as the first steps of foreplay? The more clear and specific you can be about what you need, the more likely you are to get it!

Cuddling Troubleshooting:

Some people avoid cuddling because of specific annoyances. Rather than giving up the benefits of cuddling, it is worthwhile exploring solutions. Here are some of the more common cuddling annoyances we hear about and a few possible solutions!

  • Temperature: Does one of you burn up while the other basks in the heat? Regulate your individual temperatures with clothing and blankets so you can both be comfortable. You don’t have to both be under the same blanket to be intimate! Give yourself permission to take cuddling breaks to roll over, cool off and then come back to cuddling when you are ready!
  • Dead Limb Syndrome: Don’t ever feel stuck in one position, especially if it means one of your limbs falling asleep. There are no martyrs in cuddling! Always adjust for comfort. This requires exploring a range of positions so you never feel stuck or smothered. Changing positions doesn’t have to mean breaking the intimacy. Remember, unless both of you are comfortable you’ll never sink into that exquisite zone of intimacy, so it is well worth the time to find the positions that work best for your unique combination of bodies and move between them as you need!
  • Hair Management: Sometimes it can be hard to relax if a big beautiful head of hair is choking one of you! If hair is getting in the way of enjoying cuddling, consider using a headwrap, scarf or other hair management tool! Or, making smoothing the hair away a part of the cuddling experience.

Take Cuddling To The Next Level:

Cuddling can be a pathway to profound intimacy and physical pleasure. On the podcast we cover 5 techniques for making cuddling even better. Listen in (hit the “play” button at the top of the page!) to hear about:

  • Two simple tools to deepen your physical and emotional connection
  • A game for couples to strengthen your intimate bond
  • Two touch techniques to add to cuddling for more physical pleasure

May you enjoy the profound pleasures of cuddling your whole life long!
Ready to unlock the power of foreplay? Add massage to your cuddling with our Couples Massage Mastery Course and then check out the Foreplay Mastery Online Course to take your love life to the next level of orgasmic pleasure!

Facesitting

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Facesitting :: Free Podcast Episode

Facesitting is a very common fantasy for men (and women who have sex with women!) Facesitting is also sometimes called Queening, which is a beautiful term that draws attention to the idea that the woman is at the center of this fantasy. It is her pleasure that drives this fantasy. She is the Queen and her lover’s face is the throne!

We received the following email from a podcast listener:

Hey Pleasure Mechanics. My boyfriend found your show and we’ve been listening every chance we get. It has opened up some really amazing conversations, so we both want to thank you. Recently, after listening to a totally unrelated episode, he blurted out “How do you feel about facesitting?” My first reaction was to laugh, but then I got intrigued. I asked him what exactly he meant and he explained it has always been a huge fantasy of his to have a woman sit on his face while he gives oral sex, and he wondered if I would try it. I enjoy receiving oral, but have never tried this position. I’m open to it, and his birthday is coming up, so any tips to make this really hot for him? Thanks again! – Yvonne

Why Is Facesitting So Sexy?

First, for people who enjoy pussy (vulva, use your term of choice here!) facesitting gives the ultimate experience of being engulfed in it. Facesitting creates the feeling of being totally surrounded by the beautiful vulva. Some people take it a step further and want to be totally smothered in pussy!

Facesitting also is all about pleasuring a woman who is in control of her pleasure. To climb up and straddle your lover’s face you need a certain amount of confidence and there is nothing sexier than a confident woman who is ready to claim her pleasure! Feeling a strong, sexy woman writhe around on your face is incredibly hot.

Finally, facesitting is oral sex amped up to the next level. Giving a woman oral sex is really hot already, and when that woman is moving around with pleasure on your face, teasing you with her pussy, it is even more blissful. Facesitting means you get to feel the weight of her body and look up and see her magnificent body above you. For many people who love women, this is pure heaven!

The Facesitting Experience For The Receiver

What is fascinating about facesitting is that many of the same elements that make it so sexy for the giver are precisely what make it challenging for so many women to receive!

Being on top during sex is vulnerable enough for a lot of women, and oral sex is challenging for many women, so when you combine the two it is downright terrifying for some and awkward for others!

Facesitting means you are totally exposed. Your pussy is right there, covering your lover’s face, and there is no room for being shy or reserved about it. You need to believe that your lover is totally excited and aroused by your pussy. For so many women who have mixed feelings about their vulva and it’s taste and smell, this is a real challenge to accept. But if you can make the leap, and your lover is enthusiastically participating, facesitting can be the ultimate act of celebration. You get to have the experience of being completely proud of your pussy and ready to accept being completely worshipped as you ride your lover’s face!

Listen to the podcast (hit the “play” button at the top of the page!) for specific tips for making facesitting super exciting for both of you. In the podcast we cover:

  • how to make facesitting positions comfortable
  • how to switch it up for a variety of pleasures
  • safety tips for facesitting
  • how to use hands in combination with the mouth for even more facesitting pleasure
  • toys and accessories specifically designed for facesitting
  • how to add different erotic energies to change up the experience
  • how to create full erotic experiences with facesitting as the highlight
  • how to orgasm during facesitting

We challenge you to experience the pleasures of facesitting. It can be challenging and vulnerable at first, but ultimately offers an incredible and liberating experience of pleasure for both of you!

Enjoy facesitting and want even more strategies and techniques to lavish her with orgasmic pleasure? Check out the Foreplay Mastery Online Course for everything you need to know to create extraordinary erotic experiences!