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Rethinking Valentine’s Day

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Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day rolls around every year – as some version has for over 2500 years! With it’s roots in pagan fertility festivals and it’s future as a multi-day festival celebrating all kinds of love, Valentine’s Day is here to stay. So it is time to rethink Valentine’s Day, again!

In this episode of Speaking of Sex with The Pleasure Mechanics, your hosts Chris and Charlotte break down the epic, sometimes bloody, history of Valentine’s Day and talk about how we can all rethink, reclaim and realign Valentine’s Day to meet our current needs for celebrating love, intimacy and, perhaps, carnal thrill.

For the full resource guide to this episode, visit PleasureMechanics.com/Vday

Celebrate and explore pleasure, love and joy with us year round by joining our global community of over 10,000 Pleasure Seekers – enroll in our free online course The Erotic Essentials to get started.

VDay Weekend Immersion

Join us for a decadent weekend immersion into your authentic erotic self – in a warm, welcoming group experience! February 14-16 in Kingston NY

Enroll Now for early bird tickets!

Together, we’ll explore:

Tuning into your felt sense & inner knowing
Activating your imagination & following your curiosity
Getting specific about your Needs, Wants & Desires
Expressing your erotic agency, in your own way
Giving & Receiving exquisite touch

A clothes on, hands-on experience for individuals in a collective group experience.

No required pairing / partnered exercises – solo, small group and communal practices with many options for participation!

Cocktail party on Friday, Light breakfast & decadent afternoon lunch feast on Saturday & Sunday brunch provided!

Enroll Now for early bird tickets!

Valentine’s Day can be an epic celebration of love, romance, eroticism and intimacy. Or it can be the pinnacle of disappointment and alienation. Much depends on how we look at it, what we choose to honor and how we choose to celebrate.

On this page you’ll find resources to celebrate the full range of love, romance, intimacy, eroticism and thrill that this holiday can hold. You’ll find interactive experiences, podcasts to tune into, conversation starters and deep dives into some our favorite online courses.

We love you. Thanks for being here with us, in our year round exploration of pleasure, joy and connection. Join our free online course, The Erotic Essentials, and become part of our global community of over 16,500 Pleasure Seekers!

For Couples Ready To Connect & Deepen Their Love

Enroll: Erotic Touch Online Courses: Full Body Erotic Massage, Foreplay & Mindful Sex
Listen: How To Be More Romantic & more episodes on romance and long term relationships

For Everyone Ready To Feel More Pleasure & Joy

Explore: Think about your Pleasure Constellations and what joy you want to pay more attention to in the coming year, then buy yourself a small gift to anchor that intention.
Gift: Get yourself a new toy and fresh bottle of lube or massage oil from our friends at SheVibe
Talk: Here are over 50 great questions to get the conversation started or to explore through journaling!
Listen:

For When You Are Ready For The Thrills Of Kink

Dive In: Your Next Erotic Adventure : Take your first steps into the thrills of kink, with our online course featuring 25 guided date nights

2500 Years Of VDAY: From Lupercalia to Galentine’s Day & Beyond!

More On The History Of Valentine’s Day, St. Valentine and The Festival of Lupercalia

Resources For Modern Interpretations and Reclamations of Valentine’s Day

How do YOU want to celebrate this mid-February festival time?

What aspects of love, pleasure or eroticism are you ready to devote yourself to right now?

Explore with us all year round by enrolling in our free online course, The Erotic Essentials!

* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!

Let’s Talk About Sex

50+ Free Sex Questions and Conversation Starters For Intimate Conversations from PleasureMechanics.com

Questions About Growing Up & Learning About Sex

Where did you learn about sex when you were a kid?
What were you taught about masturbation as a child?
Who was one of your first celebrity crushes? What attracted you to them?
What is something you believed as a kid that you now know is a myth?
What were you taught about love and marriage?
Who were the happiest adults you knew as a kid?
How did your family talk about LGBTQ+ issues?
Have you ever been to or been in a pride parade?
Who was one of the first queer people you met?
How did your family deal with conflict? What did repair look like?
What big emotions were safe in your family? Which were not allowed?
What were some of your first sexual experiences? Were they wanted?
Who did you talk to about your first sexual experiences? How did they respond, and how did their response impact you?
If you could go back and tell your 6 year old self anything, what would you say?

Questions About Sexuality, Culture & Identity

What do you think an ideal sex culture would look like?
Why do you think sexuality has been oppressed over history?
Do you think humans are meant to be monogamous? Why or why not?
What words do you use to describe your gender identity and sexual orientation? What other words have you used in your life?
What do you think should be included in all sex education for kids? for teens? for adults?

Questions About Love & Relationships

What drew you to me when we first met?
What values are most important to you in our relationship?
What is your love language and what are some examples of how you most feel loved?
What is one of your favorite memories of our first few years?
What about our relationship are you most grateful for?
How can I be a better partner to you?
What is one simple thing I could do for you to express my love?
What do you need most when you feel stressed? sad? angry? worried?
When in the past year have you felt most loved?
What would the chapters in The Story Of Us be named?
What songs would be on the soundtrack of your life story? our love story?

Questions About Fantasies & Desires

How do you think about the difference between Fantasies and Desires?
What is one thing you find hot in fantasy but don’t actually want to explore in real life?
What is one thing you want to experience more of in real life?
What is something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the chance?
What is one of your Peak Erotic Experiences?
What do you think is one of the hottest scenes in a movie and why?
What Do You Want Right Now?

Questions To Ask Before An Erotic Encounter

What are you into?
Is there anything I can do to make you feel safe?
Is there anything in your past you want me to know about?
Do we need a safe word?
How will we be practicing safe sex?
What does this mean to you?
Do you want this?

Questions To Ask During An Erotic Encounter

Will you tell me when this feels just right?
Would you like me to go deeper/slower/faster or is this good?
What would make this feel even better right now?

Questions To Ask After An Erotic Encounter

Can I bring you some water, a snack or anything else?
What are you aware of?
What were your favorite moments?
Did you feel overwhelmed at any point?
What was the most exciting moment for you?
Was there anything you wanted more of but didn’t ask for?
What could have made it even better?

Conversation Starters About Giving & Receiving:

What was the best gift you received as a kid?
What was one of the best gifts you ever gave to someone else?
What is a gift you wanted as a kid and never received?
In your professional life, do you think that you Give or Receive more frequently?
What is your favorite kind of massage to receive: foot, shoulder or hand?
Which is easier for you in general, Giving or Receiving?
When you are sick how do you like to be taken care of?
Would you rather receive a love letter or be made a homemade meal?
What is your favorite position for cuddling?
Would you rather go on a weekend getaway or receive an expensive romantic gift?
If you had $500 to spend on a date, what would you do?
If you had three hours and $0 for a date, what would you do?

Intimate Relationships 101 with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Our friend and teacher Dr. Alexandra Solomon has spent over 20 years working with couples as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and teaching the popular Marriage 101 course at Northwestern University, and is the author of two bestselling books on love and erotic intimacy. Dr. Solomon is one of the teachers we most love learning from in this field, and we find our philosophies and approaches align and complement one another.

So when she recently launched an online course, INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS 101, we enrolled right away, and Charlotte and I have been spending time with the course, both together and exploring on our own. We are both having mind-blowing aha! moments that are breathing new life into our own relationship. We’ve been together for 15 years, and even as dedicated love professionals, this course is giving us so much support and new tools to reconnect – especially after the pressures of this past year!

We love this course so much we asked Dr. Solomon for permission to share it with you, and she generously agreed to join us for an interview about why we need Relational Self Awareness now more than ever.

And to be clear – Relational Self-Awareness is for ALL of us.

Relational Self-Awareness is grounded in the most important relationship – your relationship with yourself.

If you are single or between relationships, this course will help you make sense of your last relationship and help you get ready for your next one.

If you are in a relationship, this course will help you use relational and sexual self-awareness to navigate these troubling times.

★ INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS 101 is a self-paced online course and offers you:

6 modules with 20+ videos that bring together cutting-edge research, clinical wisdom, and practical tools that you can integrate into your life today.
Worksheets and resources designed to help you apply the content into your life.
Support along the way via in-course comments and emails from Dr. Solomon.
A copy of Dr. Solomon’s books, Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back… because every good class includes some required reading!

This course is a deep dive and will give you a comprehensive foundation in the skills of relational and sexual self-awareness— the skills you need to create a thriving and healthy intimate partnership. Enroll in INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS 101.

More Resources About Relational Self Awareness from Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Taking Sexy Back: Speaking Of Sex Podcast Interview with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

Cheers

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