Pleasure Mechanics

The Joy of Sex on Handjobs

One of the great things about life as a professional sex educator is my reading list. Ever since I was 8 years old, I have spent hours a day reading about sex. It is one of my great fascinations and intellectual challenges, to learn about the complicated universe of human sexuality.

Today, I was revisiting an old classic, The New Joy of Sex. This cookbook style sex manual first appeared in 1972 and has been part of the sex education library ever since.

The passage on handjobs and fingering, which they call “HandWork” reminded me why our core guides are focused on the skill of pleasuring your lover with your hands.

“A couple who can masturbate each other really skillfully can do anything else they like. Handwork is not a substitute for vaginal intercourse but something quite different, giving a different kind of orgasm, and the orgasm one induces oneself is different again from orgasm induced by a partner.

In full intercourse it is a preparation to stiffen the man, or to give the woman one or more preliminary peaks before insertion. After intercourse, it is the natural lead in to a further round.”

(From the 1991 edition of The Joy of Sex)

The book goes on to describe “rolling the penis like pastry between the palms of two hands” and many other techniques. Want to learn masterful ways of touching your partner for maximum pleasure? Check out our online course, Foreplay Mastery and let us show you, stroke by stroke!

 

Kegels for Men Exercises for Pelvic Strength

Most people think Kegel exercises are just for women. Men can also benefit from strengthening the muscles of the pelvic floor: some men report major increase in erectile function and more powerful orgasms. Remember, during orgasm the muscles of the pelvic floor contract – so stronger muscles means stronger contractions, and stronger contractions mean stronger orgasm. Makes sense, right?

Below you’ll find a few Kegel exercises for men to get you started.

If you are ready to master Ejaculation Control, last longer in bed and experience male multiple orgasms, grab your copy of our Guide to Ejaculation Control for the complete, step-by-step program!
Backed by our 100% Pleasure Guarantee, this is a no-risk investment in your sexual performance!

EjaculationEbook

The musculature of the pelvic floor can be toned and strengthened with exercise. Clenches are the easiest way to tone your pelvic muscles. Start with slow easy clenches, rhythmically tightening and relaxing the muscles around your genitals and anus. You should feel or see your penis lift with each clench and fall with each release. Try to do a set of five clenches a few times a day. When this feels easy, move on to sets of ten, fifteen, or more clenches at a time.

After mastering easy, slow clenches, begin adding in sets of faster clenches. Flutter your pelvic floor muscles. Pay attention to the sensations created through these clenches- can you feel the blood rushing to your genitals? Do you get erect? What do you notice while doing these clenches? A regular practice of pelvic clenches can have dramatic benefits. These clenches can be done anywhere at anytime- try them next time you are getting aroused or during a boring business meeting and notice the results!

Over time, the musculature of your pelvic floor will strengthen and you will be able to work each muscle within the group independently. Try working the left or right side, or work from back to front and see how many muscle actions you can isolate.

Kegel Exercise For Men #1: Clench and Release

Practicing clenches is easier lying down or standing, rather than sitting up with your weight on the pelvic floor. Begin by lying in a comfortable position, and bring your attention to the pelvic floor. Try and locate the muscles of the pelvic floor by clenching – clench your butt muscles first, then your anal sphincters, then move forward into the muscles around the genitals. Your penis should lift or bob with each clench. See if you can feel these distinct regions of the pelvic musculature. If you can not, do not worry. What you feel will change wildly over time. Just keep exploring what you do feel. Clench and release, clench and release. Check in and make sure you are releasing completely. Just like the breath, each part of this cycle is equally important. Over time, this action of clenching and releasing will relax patterns of chronic tension or constriction in these muscles. Begin with sets of 10 clenches. Then take a break. Over time, add more repetitions. You can also experiment with holding each clench a bit longer.

Kegel Exercise For Men #2: Quick Flutter

Once you’ve located the major pelvic floor muscles and begun to feel comfortable with the clench and release practice, try a quick flutter clench. Very quickly, contract and release the muscles in the pelvis. Try ten quick flutters, and over time work up to sets of fifty or more. Many find the quick flutter to be quite tiring. This clench helps train the muscles to contract rapidly, which is part of the natural orgasm response when aroused. By creating this clench deliberately, you are strengthening this response and have the opportunity to pay attention to the effect of creating more movement and blood flow in this muscle group.

Kegel Exercise For Men #3: Gradual Clench

This is a very powerful strengthening clench, and also helps to release chronic tension. You can practice the gradual clench focusing just on the muscles around the anus. Many have found this practice to be helpful in relief of hemorrhoids, which are caused when severe tension pushes blood vessels through the sensitive tissues around the anus. Try these clenches in sets of one or two to begin, then add a few more as you build strength.

First, to get a sense of the movement, try it in your hand. Make a fist, squeeze as hard as you can. Try to squeeze even harder. You may find the second squeeze difficult. Now, shake it out. Make a fist again, squeeze as hard as you can. Now relax it just a little bit, not all the way, and squeeze again. Relax just a little, then squeeze even harder. Repeat until you feel like you can’t clench any deeper. Now relax your hand completely.

Now try this with your anal sphincter muscles. Clench the sphincters a little bit, then relax a little. Clench deeper, then relax. Clench deeper yet. Make sure at the end of each set to relax your sphincter muscles completely – do not hold onto any extra tension. Notice if you feel any heat, energy or arousal in your body while practicing these gradual clenches.

Ready for more? Grab your copy of our complete Guide on Ejaculation Control and unleash your sexual athlete!

Beyond Kegels: Pelvic Clenches for Women

The musculature of the pelvic floor can be toned and strengthened with exercise. Clenches are the easiest way to tone your pelvic muscles. Start with slow easy clenches, rhythmically tightening and relaxing the muscles around your genitals and anus. Try to do a set of five clenches a few times a day. When this feels easy, move on to sets of ten, fifteen, or more clenches at a time.

After mastering easy, slow clenches, begin adding in sets of faster clenches. Flutter your pelvic floor muscles. Pay attention to the sensations created through these clenches- can you feel the blood rushing to your genitals? What do you notice while doing these clenches? A regular practice of pelvic clenches can have dramatic benefits. These clenches can be done anywhere at anytime- try them next time you are getting aroused or during a boring business meeting and notice the results!

Over time, the musculature of your pelvic floor will strengthen and you will be able to work each muscle within the group independently. Try working the left or right side, or work from back to front and see how many muscle actions you can isolate.

Exercise 1: Clench and Release 

Practicing clenches is easier lying down or standing, rather than sitting up with your weight on the pelvic floor. Begin by lying in a comfortable position, and bring your attention to the pelvic floor. Try and locate the muscles of the pelvic floor by clenching – clench your butt muscles first, then your anal sphincters, then move forward into the muscles around the genitals. See if you can feel these distinct regions of the pelvic musculature. If you can not, do not worry. What you feel will change wildly over time. Just keep exploring what you do feel. Clench and release, clench and release. Check in and make sure you are releasing completely. Just like the breath, each part of this cycle is equally important. Over time, this action of clenching and releasing will relax patterns of chronic tension or constriction in these muscles. Begin with sets of 10 clenches. Then take a break. Over time, add more repetitions. You can also experiment with holding each clench a bit longer.

Exercise 2: Quick Flutter 

Once you’ve located the major pelvic floor muscles and begun to feel comfortable with the clench and release practice, try a quick flutter clench. Very quickly, contract and release the muscles in the pelvis. Try ten quick flutters, and over time work up to sets of fifty or more. Many find the quick flutter to be quite tiring. This clench helps train the muscles to contract rapidly, which is part of the natural orgasm response when aroused. By creating this clench deliberately, you are strengthening this response and have the opportunity to pay attention to the effect of creating more movement and blood flow in this muscle group.

Exercise 3: Gradual Clench

This is a very powerful strengthening clench, and also helps to release chronic tension. You can practice the gradual clench focusing just on the muscles around the anus. Many have found this practice to be helpful in relief of hemorrhoids, which are caused when severe tension pushes blood vessels through the sensitive tissues around the anus. Try these clenches in sets of one or two to begin, then add a few more as you build strength.

First, to get a sense of the movement, try it in your hand. Make a fist, squeeze as hard as you can. Try to squeeze even harder. You may find the second squeeze difficult. Now, shake it out. Make a fist again, squeeze as hard as you can. Now relax it just a little bit, not all the way, and squeeze again. Relax just a little, then squeeze even harder. Repeat until you feel like you can’t clench any deeper. Now relax your hand completely.

Now try this with your anal sphincter muscles. Clench the sphincters a little bit, then relax a little. Clench deeper, then relax. Clench deeper yet. Make sure at the end of each set to relax your sphincter muscles completely – do not hold onto any extra tension. Notice if you feel any heat, energy or arousal in your body while practicing these gradual clenches.

Exercises for Pelvic Floor

The pelvic floor muscles are an essential part of both the male and female sexual system. For maximum sexual pleasure and optimum sexual function, the pelvic muscles must be both strong and relaxed. Many of us have chronic tension in the pelvic muscles – butt massage is a great way to release pelvic tension and increase blood flow to the genitals. Once you have relaxed the chronic tension, you can begin exercising and strengthening the pelvic floor muscles.

Exercises for Women: Kegels, Clenches, Flutters and More

Exercises for Men: Kegels, Lifts, Thrusting and More

Personalized Sex Coaching

2024: At this time, we ARE accepting new coaching clients

Complete the inquiry form here to schedule free exploratory call if you are interested in private coaching.

PleasureMechanicsPortrait

Do you feel stuck in your sex life?

Are there roadblocks preventing you from enjoying erotic pleasure and intimacy?

Do you want someone you can talk to completely honestly and without fear of judgment?

We want everyone to have access to pleasure based sex education – that’s why we spend most of our professional time offering a weekly podcast and online courses that are affordable and accessible to all.

But we also love diving deep with individuals and couples to offer personalized, transformative sex coaching sessions. If you want to work directly with us and are ready to invest in making your sex life a priority, individual coaching can create profound sexual transformations in a very brief period of time. Our personal attention can help you unravel very complicated struggles and create a clear path forward towards your goal.

Read through this page – and if you feel like personalized sex coaching is a good fit for you, use the form on this page to be in touch and we’ll respond as soon as possible.

Common issues addressed by sex coaching include:

  • Pleasure & Orgasms

    Inability to have an orgasm, desire for stronger orgasms, exploring multiple orgasms, inability to have orgasm with partner

  • Desire & Arousal

    Loss of libido, mismatched libido, low arousal with partner, distraction or dissociation during arousal

  • Erections & Ejaculation

    Non-medical erectile dysfunction, inability to get erect with partner, inconsistent erections, maintaining erections longer, exploring female ejaculation, male ejaculation control

  • Sexual Trauma Resolution

    Reclaiming pleasure after trauma, Pleasure Anxiety, Inability to feel sensation in the genitals, Disassociation from the body during sex

  • Intimacy

    Feeling disconnected with partner, desire to reconnect after long periods without sex, miscommunication or lack of communication in bedroom, inability to share orgasm with partner, anxiety or stress about sex life with partner

YOU have a unique sexuality and what you are struggling with is probably a combination of many factors. We’ll work together to identify your intentions and desired outcomes for our work together.

Sex coaching works best if you commit to multiple sessions over a period of time. This gives you the opportunity to make lasting changes and meet your goals.

All sessions are held through online audio or video conference – so you can be anywhere in the world!

Sessions are supported through a personalized intake to help us dive deep quickly and a  “Next Steps” process, so you can feel confident moving forward after coaching. You’ll also gain lifetime access to our online multimedia courses – and we will personally guide you to the best resources for whatever you are exploring.

Get started by completing this form. 

Frequently Asked Questions About Sex Coaching

Is sex coaching an alternative to sex therapy?

Sex Coaching is NOT Sex Therapy.  Coaching focuses on the tools, techniques and strategies that will allow you to have the kind of sex life you desire. Therapy is more issue-focused, talking through the concerns and problems that may be affecting your sexual wellbeing. Therapy is more driven by diagnosis and problem-based solutions. Coaching is about optimizing, developing skills and working with your innate abilities.

Athletic coaches work with individual athletes and teams to help them become the best athletes they can be. Coaches provide motivation and support, but also lay out practice sessions, drills and work-outs to allow the athlete to get stronger, faster, better at their sport. Great coaches support great athletes – no Olympic athlete wins the gold without a trusted coach.

We offer YOU our personalized attention so YOU can create the erotic life you want, one experience at a time. We’ll be there to guide the way, set the drills, unpack your challenges and celebrate your wins.

Can I do sex coaching with my partner?

We can work with you either as an individual or as a couple. We believe every couple is a team, and just like great athletic teams have coaches, your relationships can benefit from our outside perspective and expertise. We can help you become more fulfilled, happier and satisfied with your sex life, or address the struggles that are keeping you apart.

What exactly does this involve?

All of our sessions take place through online video conferencing, with additional communication through email.

We provide confidential support, specific information, expert insight and compassionate motivation to guide you along your path to more pleasure. We also give you specific physical practices (“homework” but a lot more fun!) to help you develop the physical skills that will assist you in your goals.

Sex, just like a sport, is a developed physical skill – both feeling more pleasure and being a better lover require specific skill sets. Many people are frustrated with their sex life, and all they need is to develop one or more skills that will transform the way they experience sex and intimacy.

But sex is also a lot more than a physical act – it is perhaps the most complex social identity we humans have. Your sexuality exists within a BioPsychoSocial framework:

  • Bio – your unique human body and all of it’s current abilities and experiences
  • Psycho – your mental and emotional landscape, and the impact of every human relationship you’ve ever had
  • Social – your specific social context and culture (this piece impacts us FAR more than most realize)

Recognizing the BioPsychoSocial framework can help us unravel the root causes of what you are experiencing and help develop compassion and context for what might feel like a very personal and individual issue.

How long does sex coaching last?

We offer sex coaching in series of three, five or ten sessions. Each session lasts about an hour. We recommend a minimum of one week in between each session. Committing to a series of sessions allows you to make significant changes and reach your erotic goals.

If you believe you can benefit from sex coaching, please contact us using the form on this page. This information is sent securely to our private email and will always be confidential. We will contact you with 1-3 business days to explore together if sex coaching is a good fit for you at this moment in your sex life.

What does sex coaching cost?

Coaching offers you our personalized, devoted, 1-on-1 attention. The minimum investment in a coaching package is $2000 for three 75 minute sessions. Please complete the coaching contact form here only if you are interested in coaching and able to invest at this moment without causing yourself financial strain. 

Do Chris and Charlotte work as a team?

We are a team in all we do in life! During your intake process, we will determine together who will be your primary coach based on our individual areas of expertise and availability. To maintain highly personalized attention, we only work with a handful of coaching students at any one time.

One of us will be your primary coach for all video sessions and email contact. But as long as it is ok with you, we may talk about your session together so you can benefit from both Chris and Charlotte’s knowledge and wisdom.

My sexual struggles feel complex – How do we decide what to focus on during coaching?

Before your first session you will complete an intake survey that maps out what is going on in your sex life and what you want to explore together.

In our first session, we will talk more about what you would like to work on, explore the details of where you are now and your goals for our work together. Together we will develop a game plan, including one or more physical practices for you to explore on your own time. We will then email you follow-up information and resources.

In each session, we will explore what happened as you tried out the physical practices since the last session. You can share with us exactly what happened, ask questions or address the outcome of the practices. We will then develop a new game plan that builds on your success from the first session.

In between coaching sessions you can email us at anytime with questions, progress reports or success stories! The more you communicate with us the more insight we’ll gain and the better advice and guidance we can offer.

Three to ten sessions is often enough to give you the skills and strategies to continue to explore on your own. If you wish, additional sessions can be booked to continue your progress or explore another goal.

What are the Pleasure Mechanics online courses?

All sex coaching packages include a personalized selection of our online, multimedia Erotic Mastery Courses. Our online courses offer effective, efficient strategies for more sexual pleasure and erotic intimacy. From Full Body Massage to Erotic Spanking, from Mindful Sex to Kink, our courses cover a wide range of sexual skills. We’ll help you pick out which courses would be best for your specific sexual goals. Then you’ll have lifetime access to interactive resources, audio and video guides to assist you in mastering new sexual skills.

Note: Our courses can always be purchased individually – if you aren’t ready for a full coaching package, but are ready to start exploring a new sexual adventure, our online courses are for you. We respond to your questions in the comments section of the courses, and you can benefit from our dialogues with the rest of the community. Think of it like an online group workshop! Explore the Pleasure Mechanics Online Courses here.