Consent is absolutely essential at every stage of erotic exploration.
So what is consent? Far beyond saying “yes,” consent means active and enthusiastic participation in your own experience.
Consent is about agency: This means being the active agent in what is happening, rather than being an object to which something is being done. Simple, but when you start to map this into your erotic experiences, you can see the need to develop the capacities of erotic agency.
Consent is also about context and power. To truly be consensual, sex must take place in a pressure free environment where there are not negative consequences if you want to change your mind midway.
With an active consent agreement in place, you can feel comfortable asking your partner to slow down or stop. Or, your lover will notice that you aren’t responding as you usually do and stop to check in. You’ll both trust that nothing bad will come out of asking to stop.
Once you stop, you can take a moment together and then switch activities. Maybe you’ll curl up together and cuddle. Maybe you’ll start making out and have great sex. Maybe you’ll find another activity you want to try instead.
You’ll stay connected, stay in the pleasure zone and build trust. When you try spanking again, you won’t be afraid and maybe you’ll have an amazing time.
Active consent makes a huge difference over the lifespan of your sex life.
Don’t worry about consent taking the spontaneity out of your sex life.
Consent is sexy – what is hotter than knowing your lover is completely ready and eager to play with you?
To make sure your play is fully consensual at every stage, you can make an agreement with one another and with us. With this agreement firmly in place, you don’t have to waste energy wondering if your lover is enduring anything. You can both relax knowing you will slow down or stop whenever needed.
The Pleasure Mechanics Consent Agreement
- If, at any moment, I am not enjoying what is happening, I will ask to slow down, stop or safeword.
- If, at any moment, I feel overwhelmed, confused or scared, I will communicate or safeword.
- If, at any moment, I notice that my lover feels distant or disconnected, I will check in or stop all together.
- I will always honor our mutual willingness to explore, and never humiliate or punish my lover for slowing down or stopping.
Is there anything else that would help you feel safer as you start exploring together? Name it out loud!
Keep The Conversation Going!
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