Married And Flirting — Pleasure Mechanics

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Is it ok to be attracted to someone else when you are married?

When does flirting become cheating?

We explore how to keep a marriage safe while enjoying being attracted to and flirting with other people!

Learn how to set clear boundaries with your partner to avoid feelings of betrayal. Discover proven strategies for creating a more secure relationship so you can have more trust and confidence with your partner.

Married and flirting? This is a must-listen episode!

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Question::

I’m very happily married, and have a great sex life, but lately I’ve been fantasizing / desiring a close family friend of ours. I would not do anything realistically to break the bond with my wife, but I feel a lot of guilt due to my feelings toward the other woman. Is this a normal thing? I would never (I don’t think…) do anything considered rude behavior to our friend. We tease at times, but it is just considered innocent behavior, and she feels very comfortable around me, and I her. I think I’m just going through some sort of confusing phase in my life. What advice would you propose? I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings, or put anything or anyone in an uncomfortable situation. Matters of the heart can get muddled at times….

Answer::

Hey,

Thanks for being in touch.

Being married and flirting can be a tough combination. One misstep and you may end up with a lot of emotional fallout. Being married and flirting should not be mutually exclusive, however! Flirting can be totally innocent and make you feel good about yourself.

First, let us assure you that your feelings are totally normal. Married and flirting? Join the club! Most people, married or otherwise, feel attraction to more than one person. Most of the time flirting is totally harmless and can actually feel great, giving you more confidence and energy to bring back to your wife.

There is a huge difference between Fantasy and Desire – we all can have very active fantasies that do not match our desire for real life experience. For more on this point, read here: http://www.pleasuremechanics.com/fantasy/

Keeping a clear line between fantasy and desire is crucial – just like you can go to a horror movie and enjoy the fantasy of it, but not really want to experience blood and gore in real life, your fantasy life is your own. As long as you have good boundaries!

You may want to do some thinking and explore if there are any desires for real life experiences or sexual needs that are not being met, and then take small steps with your wife to become more fulfilled. Often when we fantasize about another person there is a specific energy or element that excites us (playfulness? feeling desired? danger?) and you can take steps to bring more of that into your actual sex life.

I would also say that it is normal and healthy to have intimate relationships outside of your marriage – close friendships are important! As long as you know where the boundaries are, and can trust yourself to maintain them, you can relax and enjoy the closeness. And the more you communicate and cultivate trust with your wife, the more she can relax and allow you to have intimacy with other people.

You may also want to listen to our podcast episode, How To Prevent Cheating. We explore a lot of the question about how to communicate to create solid boundaries while getting your needs met!

Let me know if you have any follow up questions!

Thanks for being in touch!

Chris