Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Do you fantasize about feeling the pulse of arousal move through your body as your lover moans in pleasure at your feet? Are you ready to let your inner beast out to play once in awhile? Is it a turn on to think about your lover tied up and vulnerable, ready for your next touch?
If the idea of sexual dominance turns you on, you are not alone. Most people, to one degree or another, are aroused by the idea of being dominant in the bedroom. This role can be called the “dominant” or the “giver” or the “top” but whatever you call it, it means one thing: claiming erotic power and using it for mutual pleasure.
Sexual dominance can take many forms:
- the stern and commanding top, barking orders and expecting them to be followed right away
- the loving but firm dominant, doling out intense sensations along with affectionate and encouraging words
- the wicked top with a sinister streak, creating emotional and physical challenges to make their bottom squirm and struggle
- the masterful dominant who seamlessly creates an erotic arc of energy, taking their submissive into a deep trance
- the strong and confident lover who take complete control and gives their receiver a wild ride
In the Kinky Sex Mastery Course, you have the opportunity to explore 6 kinds of sexual dominance and find the elements that most appeal to you. You’ll also get all of the tools you need to take control and be sexually dominant with confidence and competence.
There are many distinct pleasures that come with being sexually dominant. According to Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, authors of “The Topping Book,” here are a few of the most common reasons people love being in the role of Top. All quotes in the paragraphs below are from The Topping Book:
- Empathy: the “contact high” of getting your partner incredibly aroused. When you learn how to pay attention to your lover and discover that you know exactly what to do next, incredible moments of intimacy become possible. “We believe that, contrary to the opinions of the uninformed, consensual dominance and topping are primarily empathic activities”
- Creativity: the opportunity to bring creativity and novelty into sex. Being dominant is your chance to orchestrating an erotic experience for the bottom. “We get to enjoy our inventiveness, our resourcefulness, our competence and our flashes of genius”
- Bigness: the ability to unleash our inner power, dominant energy and take up lots of space. “When we top we put on a role that is about being important and powerful. And when our bottoms respond to us in our role as giants, when they offer us their trust, their adulation, and their belief in us as we see ourselves in our fantasies – when we see ourselves enormous in our bottoms’ eyes, what a blazing hot mirror!”
- Nurturing: the chance to express tenderness and love for our partner. “Nurturing is a big part of much of what we do, and the combination of kindness and cruelty is one of the fastest ways to take a bottom down the deepest”
- Bullying: the chance to play the villain and be a bit wicked (with our partner’s pleasure in mind at all times!) “In BDSM we get to act out from parts of ourselves that conld not be described as nice: the bully, the villain, the inquisitor, the brute, the betrayer. Wicked, wicked, wicked.
- Control: a powerful chance to be fully in command of an erotic situation. The better you get at being dominant in bed, the more trust you can earn from your partner. This trust comes when you can channel your desire and arousal into finely-tuned control in bed. Over time, you also earn the erotic devotion of your partner, and many people eroticize the control of being able to turn someone on with their presence alone. “There’s a keen joy in knowing your needs and desires are echoing in your loved one’s head”
- Competence: the chance to master new skills that give you and your partner whole new realms of arousal “S/M is a technical sport, and a lot of us eroticize the chance to be competent… when we do (kinky sex) well, we get to ride the scene and our bottoms – with our universe, for the moment, exactly as we want it. How gratifying.”
- Self-knowledge: allowing the experience of being dominant to reveal new facets to your personality, desires and needs. “Playing these roles out can be the way in which we clarify our vision, and developing an S/M personal can become the process by which we learn more about who we are.”
Your challenge is to think about dominant role models from books or videos that inspire you. Then identify their specific kinds of dominance and what particular dominant pleasures might interest you. Try to start getting specific about what arouses you about sexual dominance.
When you are ready to set out on a guided adventure into kink, enroll in the Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course.